SINGAPORE: A Singaporean bride-to-be is facing a heartbreaking dilemma years before she even walks down the aisle: Should she invite the mother who kicked her out and hasn’t spoken to her in years?
Wanting outside opinions, the woman turned to Reddit’s r/askSingapore forum on Tuesday (July 7), where she opened up about her difficult childhood and the strained relationship that eventually drove the two apart.
According to her, her parents divorced when she was young, and neither played much of a stable role in her life.
She sees her father only once every five years, while she spent much of her childhood living with her grandmother before eventually moving back in with her mother and brother when she was around 9 or 10 years old.
But things at home were far from peaceful.
Describing her mother as “1000000% tiger mom and guy bias,” she said she always felt like the less-loved child because her mother openly favoured her brother.
“As with many Chinese families, my mom is a 1000000% tiger mom and guy bias LOL. I’m always the less-preferred child, and things only got a tiny bit better after I did well for my O Levels—maybe like 1% better?” she wrote.
She added that their relationship became so strained that she moved out while she was in Secondary 1 before returning home in Secondary 4, though she chose not to go into the details, saying there was simply “too much drama.”
Her mother told her to leave
Then came what she called “the final straw.”
At the start of 2023, while she was still studying in polytechnic, her mother suddenly told her to move out following yet another conflict. Although she kept the details private, she said that moment made her realise she had finally had enough.
“I just feel like a soccer ball, getting kicked around as and when she need/ don’t need me,” she wrote.
Since then, the pair have barely exchanged a single word.
“I haven’t seen her or texted her, and neither did she, other than the occasional asking of money from me through my friend. – which I didn’t give (lol don’t ask me how she has her no.)”
“Now the real question is, should I invite her to my wedding? I mean, I kept asking myself this question, and I feel like it’s because I still seek her validation or I’m trying to prove her wrong.”
“That I can survive well without her and that I’m doing way better now. It’s just that a part of me is longing for the motherly love I’ve never had, but another part of me is just so afraid that she will show up and ruin the whole wedding. (She is that crazy, don’t doubt). So… what should I do?” she asked at the end of her post.
“It’s better not to invite her”
Redditors were divided over the woman’s dilemma, though many felt she would be better off leaving her mother off the guest list altogether.
“Don’t. Inviting her would be inviting chaos into your life again. Go get counselling pls,” one user wrote.
“If she can’t even be bothered to ask you for money herself, there’s no need to think she would care. It’s better not to invite her. You don’t know what sort of stunt she can pull on your big day to make you miserable. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials,” another commented.
Others, however, argued that she should still extend an invitation, if only for the sake of filial piety.
“Just invite her. So you don’t give her or any interfering relatives any ammo to say you aren’t filial,” one commenter wrote. “No need to explain anything to her, no need to involve her in any of the wedding prep. Just hand an invitation to her. If she doesn’t want to turn up, that’s on her.”
In other news, an employer has turned to Reddit with a dilemma that many parents may find difficult to navigate. After years of having the same helper care for his daughter, he is now wondering whether it’s time to let her go because of her growing financial troubles or keep her on because of the close bond she shares with his child.
In a post on the r/askSingapore forum, the employer shared that the helper, who is in her 50s, lost both her parents earlier this year.
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