Should I report my employer? — Woman asks after her boss tells her, “I’d grab you, chain you, and lock you in the house”

SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old woman took her work struggles with an employer making unwanted intimate advances to an online forum on Friday (Jan 10). She turned to Singaporeans for advice on how to handle the matter.

The woman shared that throughout her time working for a family business for a little over a year, there have been “many structural changes.”

“One of the individuals, a man likely over 50, has a reputation for subtly hitting on women in the company,” she claimed. “His behaviour is difficult to call out because of how discreet he is. About halfway through my stint here, he became the person my team reports to.

Considering the challenging job market, I’ve tried to brush off his odd comments.”

Crossing the line

However, on Thursday (Jan 9), she “felt like a line was crossed.” She claimed that the man noticed her eyelash extensions and commented on her “effort” to put on makeup despite her not wearing any.

“I thought that was the end of it, but later, he looked at me again and said, ‘Wah, you really look good today. If I were younger, I’d grab you, chain you, lock you in the house.'”

She shared that the startling comment left her speechless. “I was taken aback and didn’t know how to respond, so I stayed silent,” she wrote. “Shortly after, someone we both know walked by, and he asked that person if I looked pretty.

The person then responded by saying his remarks were harassment and inappropriate. His reaction? ‘She likes it.'”

The harassed woman added, “At that moment, I was too shocked to process everything. It didn’t hit me until I returned to my desk; the incident has bothered me ever since. I feel like I should have said or done something but didn’t.

A part of me wonders if it’s partially my fault for giving off the wrong vibe (even though I know this isn’t how it works). For context, he has a wife and fully grown kids. I feel so foolish for not recording his comments as evidence. Should I bother reporting him?

Unfortunately, reporting to HR seems futile given the company’s dynamics.”

Singaporeans rally behind the woman

Many online users backed the woman up, taking to the post’s comments section to share encouragement messages. Others blatantly called out such behaviour, while others shared advice. Many also suggested leaving her job to find a new one or reporting the incident to the authorities.

“It’s 100% not your fault,” said one. “I would just find a new job and move on from this family business.”

Another commenter wrote, “Next time you speak up! Even if it’s just something mild such as, ‘No, actually, I don’t like it at all,’ or frown and say, ‘Ew, why do you say that?’ Your silence means consent to him.”

The woman then responded by saying, “I second this, but I just cannot explain how taken aback I was that I didn’t know how to respond.

I did reply by saying, ‘Huh, no,’ but, well… I used to speak up when he wasn’t my direct boss… he would ask me to go for lunch, and I would tell him no with a disgusted face. But yes, I intend to do better as well.”

Others commented that such comments cannot even be considered a joke.

After thanking people for their support and advice, she shared, “The main reason for me keeping quiet is because when this happened to a girl before me, the big boss’s daughter had told her that it’s just an old man’s old-fashioned way of thinking; hence it’s always been a one-ear-in-one-ear-out type of situation.

I felt so upset and felt like I should report him because he’s done this so many times and seems to be getting away scot-free.

Inappropriate harassment in the workplace

According to the Singapore Lawyer, inappropriate “harassment is defined under the POHA (Protection from Harassment Act) as any unwelcome (intimate) advance, request for (intimate) favours or acts of a (intimate) nature.

It covers various behaviours, from offensive comments or jokes to unwanted (intimate) advances. It applies to any context, whether online or offline.”

Inappropriate harassment in the workplace often revolves around a power dynamic between someone in authority, such as a supervisor and a subordinate.

Victims of such harassment must be aware that they have rights and protections as “the POHA criminalises behaviours that cause harassment, alarm, or distress, which includes (intimate) harassment.

Under POHA, victims can report incidents and apply for a Protection Order against the harasser for their own safety.”

The Singapore Lawyer states, “Understanding the legal framework and the available remedies are crucial steps towards addressing this problem. Victims should remember they have rights and protections under Singapore law and should not hesitate to seek help when needed.”