‘She got mad’: International student confused over Singapore’s ‘auntie’ culture

SINGAPORE: Many countries have developed specific terms to show respect towards older people, and in Singapore, calling an elderly woman ‘auntie’ is one of these cultural norms. However, whether the term is perceived as respectful wholly depends on the person receiving it. If this term is misunderstood or used in the wrong context, it can cause a bigger concern, rather than simply conveying respect.

With this, an international student raised a concern on Reddit, asking if it is rude to call a woman an ‘auntie’. The student got curious about how to exactly know when you can call someone this term.

From experience, the netizen shared: “I saw an old lady get mad when her son’s friend called her auntie. She was 40+ but had lots of makeup on, and it did seem like she was trying a lot to look young. So when she got called auntie, I’m guessing she got mad because she didn’t want to be perceived as an older lady.”

With this, many netizens shared their answers and opinions on the questions. An older woman shared a list of people whom she deemed can call her auntie without sounding rude, which includes kids and teenagers who are the children of her friends. Moreover, she claimed that people who are strangers and those who are 20 years old and above, she prefers to be addressed as ‘Ms.’ or just by her name. 

Another netizen suggested: “If you worry, just say ma’am to everyone… If you can’t pronounce, say ‘madam.’” 

For some, it is not exactly rude, but being called an ‘auntie’ in Singapore carries more meaning than referring to a woman’s age. 

“Sometimes that term implies uncivilised actions or manners that one might not want to be associated with. Like aunties in the wet market? Also, not everyone on the streets are relatives. I personally would refrain from using such terms, even though as a Singaporean who grew up here, I know how common it is. A “Hello” is good enough when I’m unsure. Sure, it’s less personal but at least it won’t offend people easily,” one netizen declared. 

“It’s not rude but some aunties just have low self-esteem and can’t accept being one yet,” a comment concluded. 

Overall, it really varies for each person. Calling someone ‘auntie’ can be natural and friendly for many, but it can also offend depending on the person’s age, appearance, background and how the term is used. When in doubt, choose a neutral, respectful form of address.