Pregnant wife upset after husband refuses to help before hearing her request: ‘I am not your employee’

SINGAPORE: A pregnant woman was left hurt after her husband refused to help her before she had even explained what she needed, later telling her that he was “not an employee” who had to fulfil all her requests.

The woman shared her experience on the r/asksg subreddit, asking other married couples whether she had been too sensitive about the incident.

She said she had wanted her husband to take something down from a high cabinet, but he rejected her request before she had a chance to explain.

According to her, he simply asked whether it was urgent. When she said it was not, he refused to help.

“He didn’t even ask me what I needed help with, only asked if it’s urgent – I said no,” she wrote.

The exchange soon turned into a quarrel. Her husband reportedly said he was “tired after cleaning the house” and felt that she had been taking him for granted.

He also told her that he wanted to “set boundaries” and did not want to keep accommodating her requests because “he’s not an employee.”

The comment particularly upset the woman, who felt her husband was being overly calculative about helping her.

“I felt very turned off by what he said because I feel he’s being calculative. Am I being sensitive?” she asked.

Wife says she has tried to be considerate

The woman later gave more details about how they divide household chores.

The couple already has a part-time cleaner who comes over once every two weeks, which she said helps ease some of the housework.

She said her husband’s regular chores include cleaning the house once every two weeks, doing laundry two or three times a week, and washing the dishes daily.

“There’s not a lot [of dishes] because we don’t cook,” she added.

From her perspective, she felt his workload was still “manageable” and did not think her requests were particularly demanding.

“It’s not like I’m asking him to cook for me or what,” she wrote. “Also, I felt I have always been very reasonable, e.g., have never once asked him to go out in the middle of the night to buy food to satisfy my cravings and have never woken him up in the middle of the night to massage leg cramps (in fact, we sleep separately so that I don’t disturb his sleep).”

According to the woman, most of her requests were simple and practical, such as asking her husband to pack things around the house or research something for her.

She ended her post by asking other husbands and wives for their views on the situation.

‘Consider getting a full-time helper’

In the Reddit thread, many commenters sided with the wife and criticised the husband for refusing to help her, particularly when she is pregnant. Some felt his attempt to “set boundaries” over a small favour was unnecessary.

One commenter said, “Holy crap, you’re carrying his child. How on earth he can be that calculative? What a prick, seriously. Later on, what is he going to complain about when he needs to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of his child or something? Or say that you take advantage of him for asking him to get the baby when it’s your turn to eat?”

Another asked, “Why are you having children with someone who can’t even be bothered to help you with something small?”

A third added, “He might have his point, but the issue is that his delivery was tactless and insensitive. I find most men/husbands just don’t have that sense in them to speak nicely to a pregnant woman. He could have said, ‘I’m sorry, I was just really tired. If it’s urgent, let me know next time.”

Others, however, said they could understand why the husband suddenly became frustrated. They speculated that this might have been bothering him for some time, which could explain why he suddenly blurted out, “I’m not your employee.”

They suggested that the couple talk more openly about how they divide the household chores, especially since things are likely to get much busier once the baby arrives.

A few others also suggested hiring a full-time helper if they can afford one.

One commented, “Wife here. If you both can afford it, consider getting a full-time helper. You’ll need more help with the baby’s arrival. Having more hands is always good. I would acknowledge his ‘complain’ and move on. Going forward, always thank him for doing things you asked him to do. Better yet, get a helper to do them instead of him. Take care!”

In other news, a local man shared on social media that he ended up cutting off all three of his friends during their Bali trip after they kept joking that he should pay for everything because “his family is rich.”

In a post on the r/asksg subreddit, the man explained that the four of them had gone on a five-day trip to Bali, with him paying for the villa upfront on the understanding that his three friends would later reimburse him for their respective shares.

Read more: SG man cuts ties with friends after they repeatedly joked he should foot the bill on Bali trip: ‘It felt like they were targeting me’