One and Done: Singaporeans share why they decided to stop at one child

SINGAPORE: There seems to be a rise in Singaporean couples choosing to stop at one child, a decision often referred to as being “one and done.” Recently, some parents shared on a local forum their reasons for doing so.

The discussion began after one user asked: “Parents who decided to stop at one child, what was your thought process and deciding factor? Do you ever worry about your child being lonely or not having siblings later in life?”

“No judgement either way, just genuinely curious about the different thought processes that led people to feel, ‘One is enough for us.’”

The user also shared her own experience, explaining that she and her husband had decided to stop at one child because of “poor job security and poor work culture.”

“Coming home from work is just pure exhaustion. Mentally, we feel like we cannot handle another child.”

She added that she had also gone through a “traumatic childbirth” that she never wanted to experience again.

“I developed complications from the epidural that led to an intense headache for 2.5 weeks, and it was hell. No desire to go through that again.”

Other parents share why one child is enough

Emotional capacity

In the comments, one Redditor shared that he and his wife ultimately decided to stop at one child because they “have no desire to repeat the sleepless nights during the first year” and do not feel they have the emotional capacity to do so.

He wrote: “We only have the capacity to love only 1 child. Having been a sibling of 4 (eldest as well), I’ve seen too many challenges associated with managing attention and love among different children. ‘You love meimei/didi more than me.’ No thanks. Thought of dealing with this argument tires me already.”

As for the original poster’s question about whether an only child might feel lonely, he was not particularly concerned.

“Loneliness? Ha. So many people in the world. Go find friends outside. Blood-related siblings are overrated. I have a brother with whom I exchange less than 10 lines a year. I have a sister who cannot stand the sight of another brother,” he said.

Another user said she was also currently choosing to have only one child because neither she nor her husband felt mentally prepared to handle two.

“Both my husband and I don’t have the mental capacity to handle two kids. One is really taking up a lot of energy and resources. From an only child’s POV, ‘only child’ doesn’t mean being lonely. I do have a few close friends that are closer to me than my own parents.”

Pain

For others, it was not the emotional capacity to raise another child that put them off, but the physical toll of childbirth and the lack of support that followed.

One commenter said her whole body was in pain after giving birth, while her husband provided little help, leaving her feeling as though she was handling parenthood alone.

“It was hell. Every single fibre of my being hurt postpartum. EVERY SINGLE THING. But I’m sure you understand. And then next is the pig teammate. I’m solo parenting all the time. Not even a teammate, just a pig. Long story short, I can’t do this stuff ever again,” she wrote.

Another commenter said she made the decision to be “one and done” while she was still in labour.

“I made the decision to be OAD while I was in the middle of labour. My plan was no C-section because it would affect future births. But then, I was having contractions for 3+ days, not able to take an epidural due to a low platelet count.”

“I was stuck at ~7 cm dilation for hours with my labour not progressing. Then I thought, f*** it, I’m never going through labour ever again, just go ahead with the C-section, and I’m OAD.”

Age

Age was also a big factor for some parents. After having their first child later in life, they felt that going through another pregnancy and raising another young child would be too much to handle as they got older.

One wrote, “OAD mum with a toddler in my mid-30s here. I guess age is the biggest factor for me. I’m already aching everywhere taking care of one kid. I don’t want to go through the pains of pregnancy, breastfeeding, and sleepless nights when I’m in my late 30s and chase after a toddler everywhere and put up with their tantrums when I’m in my 40s.”

Another commented, “I’m getting older, and I don’t want to be a mother beyond 40, so the clock is ticking.”

Health risks

Health concerns also played a part, particularly for parents whose first pregnancy had affected their health.

One commenter said she had initially wanted two children but changed her mind after her health deteriorated following her first pregnancy.

“I would very much prefer to have two, but my health went haywire after having one. After much discussion, I’d rather stop at one than let my child lose his mum.”

Another added, “For us, it was health circumstances and risks. We might have risked it if we had no children, but since we already have one, risking to have another was unfair to the firstborn if anything happened to their mother.”/TISG

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