‘My employer’s grandma always accuses me of things I never do’ — Maid asks, ‘Can anyone enlighten me on what I can do?’

SINGAPORE: When “Ah Ma” becomes the new boss without a memo, a foreign domestic helper in Singapore has found herself in a situation that many helpers can relate to but few dare to speak up about publicly.

Taking to the popular Facebook group MDW/FDH (Migrant/Foreign Domestic Helper) in Singapore (working conditions forum), she poured her heart out in a post that now echoes the silent frustrations of many migrant helpers caring for the elderly, without it ever being in the contract:

“Taking care of my employer’s grandma is not included in my contract, and grandma cannot talk or understand even simple English,” she explained. “It’s very hard for me to communicate with her. I can’t understand her language either, and she has an attitude, murmuring every day,” she added, and the emotional toll doesn’t end with the language barrier. What really tipped the scales for the maid was being accused of things she never did:

“My ears and my mind are already tired of that, but I just ignore it because she’s old, but the thing is, she always accuses me of the things I never do. For me, this is another story that I cannot just ignore. Can anyone enlighten me on what I can do?”

“Read the contract carefully…”

In the comments section, fellow helpers and advocates joined in with advice that ranged from practical to philosophical.

“Talk to your madam,” many advised. Simple, yes—but not always easy when you’re navigating power dynamics, language walls, and the unpredictable mood swings of both elderly patients and their adult children.

Others urged her to read the fine print: “Read the contract carefully. Does the contract say ‘taking care of the elderly’ with sub-clauses ‘dementia’, ‘bedridden’, etc.? If not, the employer is violating the contract, and the agency can step in [to assist in the matter].”

That nugget of wisdom highlights an often-overlooked truth—helpers sign contracts for specific job scopes, and adding elderly care without renegotiation may violate those terms.

“If ah ma is diagnosed with dementia…”

Several commenters brought up a likely scenario: Dementia.

“Did your employer communicate with you that she will be bringing her mom back… and about her mum’s possible dementia condition?” one asked. “If she did and you agreed, then accept it.”

Others added a more empathetic take: “If ah ma is diagnosed with dementia, don’t be aggressive with her as it will provoke her attitude. Taking care of the elderly is not easy and needs more patience, as one day we will be old too.”

“Guard your well-being and mental health, but be kind and honest…”

Another group member summed it up with pragmatic kindness:

“If you tried your very best to understand, but it doesn’t work, and the situation couldn’t give you peace, then leave. Guard your well-being and mental health, but be kind and honest to them anyway.”

In short, patience is a virtue, but peace of mind is priceless.

“Does grandma’s IC show your employer’s address?”

One final comment stood out for its blunt tone: “Does grandma’s IC show your employer’s address? If yes, there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Translation: If grandma is officially part of the household, then caregiving duties may be implied—even if not clearly stated, according to the commenter.

“If your job becomes more, then your salary must be more also…”

The most balanced advice came from helpers who suggested approaching the employer to renegotiate the job scope—or salary.

“Discuss the matter with your employer. If your job becomes more, then your salary must be more also.”

Another option: Language classes: “Ask the employer to send you to language lessons if you wish to stay on. Otherwise, just ask for a transfer.”

FDH are workers—not magicians or robots

While some may paint grandma as the antagonist, the real issue lies in the lack of clear communication, defined responsibilities, and proper support. FDH are workers—not magicians or robots. They deserve respect, mental clarity, and a job scope that doesn’t shift like quicksand.

Because if caring for grandma is suddenly in the fine print, then empathy, patience—and perhaps a higher salary—should be too.

📝 Speaking about robots, in other news, one extremely exhausted FDH finally exclaimed, ‘I’m not a robot!’ — Maid says after her employer doesn’t allow her to take a 1-hour nap to rest in the afternoons