‘My cousin’s old-school parents won’t allow her to go to university since she’ll just get married and quit work one day’

SINGAPORE: A local Reddit user asked for advice about their cousin, who’d like to go to university, but her parents don’t want her to.

In a post on r/askSingapore on Monday (Jun 30), u/reddituser_0124 asked for advice regarding “how to change an old-school mindset.”

The post author explained that their cousin had received numerous offers from universities in Singapore and other countries, and in the past, her parents had always been “very eager” to see their daughter go to university.

However, now that the prospect is getting real, her parents have said that it would be better if their daughter, an A-level holder, does not pursue a degree but becomes a preschool teacher instead.

“Their reasons are so stupid,” they added. These include thinking that three to four years at university is too long, especially since the daughter took a gap year after secondary school, “so she technically ‘wasted one year.”

The parents of their cousin also said that getting a degree from university is no guarantee of securing a good job or pay and that if she gets married and quits her job, it will be a waste.

“Her parents said it’s better if they invest in her brothers instead since they will have to support their family one day,” the post author added, saying that this reasoning makes them “mad beyond words.”

“Reason number 3 is the most hilarious, and I can’t stop laughing at it. How sure are her parents that she will get married? Even if she gets married, what if the marriage does not go well? Who will support her then? Singapore is getting expensive. What makes her parents think that just her husband working is enough to sustain the family?” the post author wrote, asking also for help with how their cousin can talk to her parents.

Many commenters encouraged the post author’s cousin to go to university anyway, saying she could take out a loan to cover her expenses.

“There is no logic here, I would just laugh at them. Go search job boards and see what you can do with an A-level cert, short of becoming insurance agents or sth, the prospects are not great.

“If your cousin can, is she ready to apply for loans and scholarships on her own, and work for her own uni fees? Then she can say it’s her own money and won’t need to listen to her parents,” advised a commenter.

“She doesn’t really need their permission. Take a tuition loan. Get a part-time job to keep herself afloat. I’ve done this, it’s doable,” wrote another.

“Is she relying on her parents to pay for the tuition fee? If not, then you don’t need to seek their permission or opinion. Get a tuition loan.

“For her own welfare, she needs to have options. Early Childhood is not for everyone, and the pay really isn’t great. Why limit her potential?

“So what if she gets married? In their family, don’t married daughters need to give their parents an allowance? I’ve seen many married daughters still giving allowance, so I don’t see how this affects them,” a commenter chimed in. /TISG

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