‘My colleagues say untruths and bad things about me behind my back, but HOD won’t take action’ — Office worker asks, ‘How to handle workplace gossiping?’

SINGAPORE: “My colleagues have been talking behind my back over the last few months,” an office worker says, “but recently, also explicitly, I can hear their conversations about me. They’re saying untruths and bad things about me,” she added.

It would be less annoying if it just stopped there, but it doesn’t. She says that one particular colleague, who’s close to the head of department (HOD), has made it a personal mission to keep wagging tongues busy.

“This person seems to be immune to having any action taken against him,” she explained. “Is this considered workplace bullying, and what is your advice on how to handle this workplace bullying?” she asked for help.

“Even if it’s not true, it will spread and hurt your credibility.”

Let’s be clear: Workplace gossip is about as common as awkward elevator silence, but that doesn’t make it any less harmful.

As one netizen warned, “Even if it’s not true, it will spread and it will hurt your credibility.”

Another recounted a similar trauma: “Encountered this in my first job. I thought that my experienced boss would be wise enough to know truth from fiction (hence I did not respond), but alas, even he was influenced by the gossipper lol. So it’s important to clarify yourself if the gossip gets bad.”

Not everyone agrees about giving clarifications, though. One comment read: “Ignore them, and it will eventually go away,” expressing the HR-approved version of ‘let them choke on their own words.’

Then there’s this wildcard advice from another: “Create a clique circle and manage it. Then you will be the most feared and loathed existence in your office after a while.”

Who knew gossip could lead to an office Game of Thrones?

Is workplace gossiping equal to workplace bullying?

The term “workplace bullying” gets thrown around a lot, but does this worker’s situation count?

If a colleague is spreading lies, making her the subject of ridicule, and making her work-life psychologically unsafe, then yes, it qualifies. Especially if the HOD is turning a blind eye, it adds another layer of helplessness.

Career counsellor Gerald Tan, in a CNA: Ask Work It podcast, offered some measured advice:

“When it comes to office gossip, some people can deal well with it, some people cannot. They take it quite seriously… because it does affect people emotionally… I can understand it affects the motivation to decide whether to stay [on working in a company].”

That’s the psychological toll — the part that doesn’t show up on performance appraisals or office memos.

So, how do you handle workplace gossiping?

Gerald suggests confronting the situation — but not with fireworks and flying staplers.

“There are a few things that [you] can do. One thought I have is about confronting. Calling out or confronting, and just to bring this up in front of them — it’s not easy… but if [you] confront the situation, [don’t] react (emotionally) but respond (professionally), to call out the behavior.”

If the emotions are too raw, Gerald advises holding back for a while and waiting for cooler heads to prevail.

Is there any truth behind that gossip?

“For some of the things that they might be saying, it’s good for [you] to take back and think about it… Is there any truth behind that?… If there is, then maybe it’s better… to also apologise, to own up to say that ‘I have my part to play in this, but what you did wasn’t also right.’”

That’s not admitting defeat. That’s called being emotionally intelligent — and in many offices, it’s a superpower.

What action can you take?

It’s easy to feel alone when you’re being excluded or talked about behind your back, but Gerald says, “What [you] could do is also to look out for positive [colleagues]… other people who will take your side, who know what’s really happening.”

Find your tribe. Every office has one — even if it’s just one empathetic ear in the pantry, and if things truly get toxic, the legal and procedural route exists for a reason.

“If things really, really are bad,” Gerald emphasised, “go to the HOD, go to look at your HR harassment policies, and then follow up appropriately.”

“What do I do when I receive the cold shoulder treatment?”

The worker’s case also touched on another familiar woe: breaking into existing cliques.

One netizen lamented, “What to do when u try to break the ice with existing staff in your new environment but receive the cold shoulder treatment instead? 😢”

Another responded with an unexpected life advice: “Simple. Continue to try to break the ice or just give up on them,” he wrote, and added, “Focus on learning everything needed for your role in the workplace and see whether there is a change in their attitude. Even if they still give you the cold shoulder treatment, you won’t be on the losing end at all and can still function optimally.”

Whatever your stance or office politics style you want to take, one takeaway remains: sometimes the best way to win over colleagues is through competence, not cupcakes.

“Keep a distance from toxic people…”

The netizen who gave the above unexpected life advice also reminded that, “Unfortunately, that’s how life is. You can’t expect every place you work at to be filled with nice, loving people. Some places are just filled with toxic people. You just have to learn to deal with it and treat them as air.”

Another comment summed up the even deeper rot in many modern toxic workplaces:

“Keep a distance from people who exhibit unacceptable social behaviour. We can approach the report to HR for workplace bullying and harassment.

Workplace bullying includes negative acts directed towards employees by intimidating or undermining them by demeaning work standards, finding faults, and constantly gossiping and complaining to the direct boss.

My office is a toxic workplace. Some people can do no work and pretend to know everything. People think bosses are always right. Some people always set constant criticism, spreading spiteful rumours, unfair treatment, and overbearing supervision. Some even pick on certain employees, use threatening, abusive, or insulting language and comments, or non-verbal gestures.

Learn how to handle toxic people at work. Establish clear boundaries to protect yourself. Limit interactions and exposure to their negativity. Seek support or advice from trusted colleagues. If necessary, escalate the issue to HR or management of the toxic behaviour.”

Whoever dropped that comment, may your next promotion come with a toxic-free cubicle and an endless stash of mental peace.

Guys don’t gossip?

Someone also commented cheekily: “Guys don’t gossip,” but another immediately replied to that with: “They certainly do.”

So no, it’s not a gendered thing. It’s a workplace culture issue, and if it’s not addressed, it turns toxic — fast!

Whether you’re like this office worker or someone who’s been on the receiving end of idle whispers before, remember: gossip dies when it hits wise ears.

Or as one office philosopher put it: “Going to work is to earn a living to survive in life, not for wagging the tongues… which can [indeed] have severe consequences.”

In other news, another office worker is dealing with a different kind of silence — this time from HR after he endured a grueling five-month job interview process with no happy ending.

You can read about his awkwardly quiet ordeal of HR ghosting over here: ‘Why did HR withdraw my job offer after “indicating” I got the job?’ — Jobseeker asks after being put through 5 months of job interview process