Man says wife became a completely different person after childbirth, turns to locals for advice

SINGAPORE: A man in his late 30s has turned to social media to confess that his wife became a completely different person after giving birth to their child.

Sharing his story on the r/SingaporeRaw subreddit on Sunday (Sep 14), he claimed that the arrival of their baby had, in his words, brought out “the absolute worst of [his] wife’s personality and character”.

According to him, their quarrels became more frequent and far harder to resolve. “Baby has been an absolute angel [but] we fought many times, and I always give in,” he admitted. “There were many times when I thought this was the end of our relationship, but somehow it has still managed to trudge along, held together by our shared love of the baby.”

At first, he believed her behaviour was simply the result of postnatal hormones and assumed that, with time, she would return to her former self. 

However, the change, he said, never came. “My relationship with my wife is at the lowest it has ever been. After the baby came out, I did my absolute best supporting her, taking care of the baby, and juggling my full-time job, but it seems it’s still not enough for her.”

The man went on to share that he has not been doing well either, because, alongside his problems at home, his work has been troubling him.

He explained, “I’ve always been a high performer at an MNC, but I was recently passed over for a position that I was pretty confident in getting, and it seems like the senior management has had a change in their perception of my abilities.”

“I’m still uncertain where I stand in the company, but it seems there is a reasonable chance that my upside is now capped, and I will be sidelined from henceforth, so this has been weighing down on me. Thought about changing companies, but with the situation at home already so chaotic, I am hesitant to rock the boat.”

Exhausted, demoralised, and unable to find joy in his day-to-day life, he turned to the online community for advice.

“Am I experiencing a midlife crisis? Is this just a temporary phase caused by the confluence of various negative events? Please tell me there is someone else who has been through this and survived. I’m surrounded by people, but I have never felt more alone.”

“Once resentment sets in, the marriage is in trouble.”

Worried about the man’s mental health, many urged him to seek professional help. One said, “It sounds more like a mental health crisis instead of a midlife crisis. If you don’t have a reliable friend or confidant, maybe you can consider engaging a therapist for you to unload all these emotional items in a safe setting.”

Another shared, “The same thing happened to me and actually happens to many other couples who had a kid. A relationship needs 2 hands to clap. You need to go for marriage therapy if she is into it, but you cannot force her if she does not want to. You need to tell her how you feel, though.”

A third commented, “Go for couples counselling. There are studies that some women start to resent their husbands after having a baby. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it isn’t uncommon. Once resentment sets in, the marriage is in trouble.”

A fourth added, “If your wife’s personality has changed after birth, it may be postpartum. It can last years in some cases. Do encourage her to seek help for it. You also seem depressed. Please also treasure yourself and seek help.”

In other news, a father who’s close to retirement has allegedly threatened to sue his son under the Maintenance of Parents Act after being denied an allowance.

The son, clearly upset by the situation, took to social media on Thursday (Sep 4) to ask if his father, who he claims is addicted to gambling, could legally “demand” money from him.

For context, the son wrote on the r/askSingapore forum that his father “has zero savings” left because he had blown everything on 4D and TOTO over the years.

Read more: Gambling father who lost all savings to 4D and TOTO allegedly threatens to sue son for allowance