Man says he doesn’t want to take care of his brother who has autism when his parents pass on, but not everyone understands

A man posted on the NUS Whispers page on Apr 4, saying he does not want to take over his brother’s care. He explained that his brother is severely autistic and that their parents gave all their time, attention, and money to his brother’s care.

Lately, his parents have hinted that he will need to take responsibility for his sibling when they die. 

“That’s when I lost it,” he wrote, adding:

“1. I have my own goals and dreams.

2. I never asked for the burden that is my brother. Both financial and emotional burden.

3. Do not make my bro (parent’s problem), my wife’s and my problem.”

He said no to his parents and asked them to make provisions for his brother after they pass on.

The parents had told him that they may not be able to leave him with an inheritance, which the man said is “fine… but do not leave me with a huge burden that can potentially outlive me.”

“Suddenly I am the bad guy in the family, cos I have my own wife + house and I refuse to take care of bro?” he asked.

Many of the commenters were sympathetic to the man.

 But others felt that the poster was being too harsh.

In a follow-up post published on Wednesday (Apr 6) the poster added some context to his situation, providing examples of his brother’s condition.

One time, when he brought his brother to a hawker centre, the boy with autism smacked a girl on her behind. The poster ended up being accused by the girl and even spent a few hours locked up because of what his brother had done.

Another time, his brother threw a tantrum at a department store and damaged some items, which the poster paid for.

“Did my parents reimburse me? Hell no. 3/4 months of part-time work savings were all gone because he couldn’t control himself. I was so done at this point, I just paid for the damages, left him sitting on the floor, and went home. Parents had to go get him from the store,” he added.

It seems that he has already made up his mind about his future relationship with his brother. “So no, now that I have my own life, I refuse to let my bro back into mine. Had a serious talk with my parents and made it clear that I will have nothing to do with him once they are gone.”

A commenter on the second post gave the wise advice of making arrangements for special needs children as they get older.

/TISG

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