Man says ex who never offered to split the bill texted him out of nowhere, then disappeared again

SINGAPORE: A man was left feeling confused and emotionally unsettled after a woman he had parted ways with two months ago suddenly reached out to ask how he was doing, only to delete the entire conversation shortly after.

On Reddit, the man, who had been seeing the woman despite their two-year age gap, explained that he initially ended things with her due to several red flags, one of which was the imbalance in financial contributions during their dates.

“I am an NUS uni student; she is working full-time, [but] she never even offered to split because ‘that’s what her partner usually does,” he wrote. “Decided that maybe she isn’t so suitable for me, and had the thought of parting ways. In the end, due to non-financial reasons, we decided to part ways, and I thought that was it.”

However, the silence between them was unexpectedly broken two weeks ago when she sent him a message out of the blue, asking how he had been.

“I thought we cut each other off already? I felt so messed up, so I asked her what she wanted. She said she wanted to ‘know how I am doing,’ but then I said I am doing fine. She then proceeded to delete the Telegram chat from both sides.”

Seeking clarity, he asked fellow Reddit users: “To anyone who has faced this/did this, why did this happen? I am disturbed and disoriented. I am genuinely curious because, in my knowledge, cutting off means not seeing or talking to each other ever again, even through text.”

“I don’t think it means she wants to get back with you, so don’t be too disoriented.”

The man’s post sparked a flurry of responses from netizens, many of whom speculated that the woman might have been feeling nostalgic, lonely, or even regretful.

One explained, “I think it was just a moment of weakness on her side. She felt lonely, missed you probably, and couldn’t help but text you. Knowing you would probably reply, and maybe start pining for her again,  would assuage her lonely heart for a while. I don’t think it means she wants to get back with you, so don’t be too disoriented.”

Another chimed in, “I don’t think you’re wrong to be confused because the other person is definitely sending mixed signals. As to why she did this, who knows? Maybe she was curious. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe she was drunk. Maybe she just wanted to know if you’re still a valid backup. Point being that no one (but her) knows, and it isn’t YOUR job to find out, either. Your job is to take care of yourself, since you’re still emotionally vulnerable (as seen from your post).”

Some also advised the man to simply ignore her, with one commenting,“Life is not so black and white. Maybe there is something she misses about you. Something that makes her crave for you. Just ignore her; if you’re incompatible, you’re incompatible.”

Why did your ex suddenly reach out and then disappear?

According to professional relationship coach Chris Seiter, this confusing behaviour is often driven by something called the “nostalgia principle.” This happens when your ex starts thinking about the good times you shared and feels a strong urge to relive those moments. That feeling pushes them to send a message or reach out to you.

After making contact, however, they may begin to feel unsure about their decision. They might start to worry about what reconnecting could mean. Questions like “Am I doing the right thing?” or “Will I lose my independence again?” can cause them to panic or pull away. This often leads to them disappearing just as quickly as they showed up.

Read also: ‘You own this place ah?’ — Man says elderly uncle snapped after he asked him to lower loud phone video at West Coast Plaza