SINGAPORE: Sharing her stressful dynamic with her mother, a woman took to a forum on Monday (Mar 3) to express her sentiments on her mother’s complaints over not receiving an allowance.
A young writer recently took to social media to vent about her mother. “Posting this because I’m so irritated and stressed out by my mom,” the post read. The young woman, who is new to the workforce and just started a new job in January, has been having to deal with the stress of having a job.
“I work till 2 am every night and am always stressed out,” she said. In addition, the writer claimed that an incident around the Chinese New Year made things even more stressful. “I personally asked my mom not to cook because she’d be tired, and I scalded my hand really badly, so I can’t wash dishes, so, without asking me, she posted on the family group that since I expressed a preference to eat out during CNY, I’ll be paying for everyone. This was before I even got my first pay, and I’m not earning much, by the way.
“Again, at the dinner table, she kept suggesting that I bring the family to eat HaiDiLao. I honestly didn’t mind, so I went along with it, but even my brother and sister-in-law (found it) expensive. They said I slogged my guts out to earn such little money (and questioned) why I was being made to pay so much…” However, the writer still ended up bringing her mother to a branch of the restaurant.
Then, to add fuel to the fire, the writer shared that after that incident, she also helped her mother pay some bills that amounted to S$900. “Before asking me to pay, she said she’d pay me back in cash since she doesn’t use iBanking,” the writer claimed. “After weeks, she kept lording certain things over me, like how she does the chores for me and cooks one to two meals for me, etc. She then used this as leverage that I should be paying the S$900. She used my past offer to help with the paying of the bills against me.”
In frustration, the writer shared, “My offer to pay for the bills was in the past, but I’ve never offered to pay S$900 in one go, right when I just started work. This offer was also never premised on paying for so many other things. I’ve repeatedly told her that I literally would have to eat grass as I have so many expenses already – I buy her skincare and groceries, bring her out to eat, and I’m saving up to get my own house so I can move out.
“Furthermore, she herself rejected my offer and said I could just buy groceries and whatever she wanted, etc., instead of paying for the bills. The agreement was always that I would pay for groceries and whatever she wanted, etc., and would only start paying for the bills next year onwards after my pay increment and my job was secured. I’m still on probation now.”
However, the writer shared that despite paying for groceries and skincare, her mother continues to complain about not receiving an allowance. The frustration, the young woman even went so far as to call her mother a “moneysucker.”
“I exploded at her just now, and she said she will sell the house so that I’ll have to rent outside,” she added. “I just think she’s very calculative and has a double standard. She’s never like this with my brother, although my brother did take care of me when I was young and contributed quite a bit to the family, but my mom never expected anything of my brother and never asked him to move out, etc. She asks me to move out all the time and complains I’m not giving her a salary all the time.”
A handful of Singaporeans responded to the post, strongly encouraging the writer to stand her ground. One argued that once you start giving regular payments to parents, it becomes hard to stop. “When parents procreate for the sake of an eventual ROI, it sets the family up for misery,” said another.
A third wrote, “Your parents seem to have that old mentality that they have kids to support their retirement and that you owe them a living. Better be clear to them on how much you are willing to fork out a month, or they will continue taking advantage of you. Take it or leave it.”
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)