‘I need to stop my father from abusing him’: Reddit post sparks outcry over caregiver burnout and hidden family violence

SINGAPORE: A troubling post on the r/askSingapore subreddit has ignited an emotional public discussion about caregiver burnout, hidden family violence, and the lack of support faced by households caring for persons with disabilities.

The post, written on Dec 7 by user IndividualBattle993, described an increasingly volatile home environment where the writer’s father — the caregiver of a mentally impaired son — has allegedly become physically and verbally abusive.

According to the Redditor, the brother has been unable to hold a conversation “for 10+ years” due to his condition and requires round-the-clock supervision. Their retired father spends every day with him at home.

But the poster wrote that their father has “been shouting and physically slapping, hitting my brother as he loses his patience almost every day,” sometimes over minor frustrations such as the brother being unable to answer “what he wanted to watch on the TV.”

“I need to stop my father from abusing him,” the user pleaded. “He is destroying him further and causing his illness to go worse… What can I do? If I call the cops or some domestic hotline, will they arrest my dad?”

The distressing account quickly drew responses online, with many urging immediate intervention and highlighting the escalating danger.

Netizens urge immediate help: “Call the cops, save your brother”

A top comment urged the Redditor to contact professional support without delay: “Approach MSF or other family services agency ASAP.”

Others stressed that the situation constitutes family violence, regardless of the father’s stress levels. One user, offering a detailed response, wrote: “So sorry that you’re going through this. Yes, your dad will likely be taken in for questioning if you reach out directly to the police. Reach out to the 24-hour anti-violence hotline 1800-777-0000… You’re doing a good thing by wanting to protect your brother.”

Another commenter was more blunt: “Call the cops, save your brother.”

Others pointed out that evidence may be necessary if the violence continues: “Tell your dad that his behaviour is out of line and that you will call the cops on him if he continues to beat his family. Install cameras in the house so you have something to bring to the cops. Apply for a PPO for your brother.”

Many commenters also recognised signs of severe burnout in the caregiver: “Yes, you need to call the police as your brother is a vulnerable individual who can’t defend himself. Also, your father is probably burnt out.”

A broader issue: Hidden caregiving struggles in Singapore homes

The post has sparked wider discussion about the silent strain faced by families caring for persons with special needs or severe disabilities — especially when resources are limited and a single caregiver shoulders the full emotional weight. This, however, does not excuse the behaviour that was exhibited in this incident.

While community groups and government agencies offer various forms of respite care, counselling, and financial support, many families reportedly do not know how to access such services or hesitate to draw external attention to their private struggles.

The emotional pleas in the thread reflected a collective acknowledgement: caregiver stress, when left unaddressed, can become dangerous, or worse, even violent.

Available helplines and support

If you are a victim, a family member, or even just a witness of such horrendous events, you may contact Singapore’s National Anti-Violence & Sexual Harassment Helpline (NAVH): 1800-777-0000 (Open 24/7).

Other resources that one can contact include:

• Nearby Family Service Centres (FSCs)
• Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF)
• Respite care services for caregivers
• The police (in cases of imminent danger)

The original poster has yet to update the thread, but many netizens expressed hope that the family would receive the intervention and support they urgently need.

The case serves as a sobering reminder of a reality often hidden behind closed doors: caregivers need care, too. However, individuals, especially vulnerable ones like those impaired, elderly, women, and children, deserve protection as well, even from those entrusted with looking after them.

Read also: Singapore teen reveals father refuses to contribute to household rent, asks Reddit for advice