‘I’ll have far less time with them’: Teen shares the painful reality of being born to older parents

SINGAPORE: When people choose to have children later in life, the conversation often centres on the parents. Rarely does it focus on the children, who may grow up carrying a different kind of worry.

Whether they’re the youngest sibling by a decade or simply born to older parents, many quietly come to realise they’ll likely have less time with their parents than their peers.

One Singaporean teenager recently shared just how painful that realisation can be.

In a post on the r/SGExams subreddit, the teen shared that she’s the youngest in her family, with a 10-year age gap between her and her next oldest sibling.

She wrote, “My parents are in their mid-50s while I’m in upper secondary. I’ve been thinking recently that I wouldn’t have as much time with my parents. For example, when they’re 80, I’ll only be around 30 years old.”

“If they were to pass, I really don’t know what I’d do without them. My siblings would be around 45-50 and probably would have started their own family already.”

“I’m jealous of my older siblings”

Although the teen said she doesn’t blame her parents for having her later in life, she admitted she can’t help feeling jealous of her older siblings.

To her, they grew up with a different version of their parents, one that had more energy for family holidays, trips to theme parks, and playful moments together.

“I feel like I’ve missed out on the times when my parents were more energetic and open to doing more childish things like going to theme parks and playing games,” she wrote.

Hearing her siblings reminisce about those memories only reinforces the feeling that she missed out. Even conversations with friends can be difficult, she added, especially when they complain that their parents are “old-fashioned” despite only being in their 40s.

The teen also shared that whenever she suggests doing something special together, such as travelling overseas or having a family photoshoot while wearing hanboks in South Korea, her parents often say her older siblings would not be interested and suggest doing something everyone can agree on instead.

“Is it so wrong that I want to do something with my family that I enjoy??” she wrote. “To those people with parents that are considered much older than usual, has anyone come to terms with the fact that you’ll lose them at a much younger age?”

“You’ll be able to get over the sense of impending doom”

Many commenters empathised with the teen and reassured her that her feelings were completely understandable.

One Redditor said it was natural to feel jealous that her siblings had more years with their parents, but encouraged her to focus on making meaningful memories while she still could.

“You cannot do anything in a sense to extend their lives, but you can make the most out of your time now, e.g., maybe you can take a trip with just your parents and you since they think your siblings wouldn’t want to?”

Another commenter opened up about her own experience after her mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer earlier this year.

“My father is in his late forties, and my mother is 50. Never had any issues until my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at the start of this year. As someone with maybe a year left with his mother, it’s not as bad as it sounds.” 

“You may cry when you hear the news, but it’s impossible to be sad 24/7, your body will try to naturally bring you back to a ‘normal’ state. I’ve come to terms with my mother’s lifespan; it is what it is. I love her very much, and I would’ve never imagined I would feel this way after hearing the news. But trust me, you’ll be able to get over the sense of impending doom. I don’t exactly understand it; it just happened.”

A third commenter, who was raised primarily by his grandparents, said he understood how painful it was to think about losing the people you love most.

He wrote, “Not in the same boat as you, but my parents aren’t really in my life, and my grandparents are my primary caregivers. And it’s really hard to think that one day the people you love most are going to disappear. Just spend time in the moment and be with them; I think that’s the greatest gift you can give to your parents and yourself.”

In other news, a Singaporean woman’s long list of expectations for a future partner has stirred plenty of discussion on Reddit, with many users saying her standards were so over the top they could hardly believe she was serious. 

On Monday (July 13), a man in his 20s posted on the r/askSingapore forum, sharing that while the woman he’d been dating had “many qualities” he genuinely appreciated, he was struggling to understand one side of her.

Read more: ‘Make a PowerPoint on why I should date you’: SG Redditors tell man to run after date’s long list of demands