SINGAPORE: Starting a new job can be daunting, but for one 32-year-old Singaporean woman, the challenge isn’t just about learning the ropes. It’s about fitting into a workplace where most of her colleagues are in their mid-50s.
Posting on Reddit’s r/askSingapore, she shared, “I just joined a new company last month. I feel so, so lonely. [In} My previous stint I made some really good friends. In my new place…I find it so hard to fit in. I’m generally quiet but I’ve been making an effort to smile, and make small talk but seems like everyone has their own gang, and their own jokes.”
She added that she often feels awkward just standing around, unsure of how to join conversations. “I am used to going for lunch alone, but I make a conscious effort to join them for lunch. [However, I] often felt left out because they talk about their work and wish I had gone alone instead,” she wrote.
She also stated that she left her previous job because she believed it was the right time for her to try something new while she was still “young”. But now, she has been second-guessing her decision due to the overall work environment.
Beyond feeling isolated, she’s also starting to wonder if she should leave the public sector.
“I have joined the gahmen sector since I graduated from uni 8 years ago. This is my latest stint, with my last stint being 4 years ++ in another gahmen agency,” she wrote.
“I’m earning $4.9k per month at my age. For those in the private sector, how much are [you] all generally earning? [I] Have been contemplating joining the private sector for a while but am unsure if it’s worth it. I have heard lots of horror stories about working OT, bonus not good, etc,” she continued.
Hoping to make her work environment more bearable, she also asked the community, “How do y’all go about feeling lonely in the office?”
‘If you give them the respect as senior, you should be good’
In the comment section, several Singaporean Redditors offered advice on how she can bridge the generational gap and build better relationships with her coworkers. Some suggested starting with common ground, such as discussing food and current events, or even asking for advice on work-related matters to ease into conversations.
One Redditor said, “Think about common topics like things they’re looking forward to. CPF Payout, retirement plans etc. You can also leverage their experience and ask them for tips on life. They might be more than happy to tell you about their long life story.
“Please be polite. Among them, manners [are] very important to them. If you give them the respect as senior, you should be good.”
Others, however, pointed out that the primary purpose of a job is to work, not to build friendships. While it’s nice to have friendly colleagues, they emphasized that she shouldn’t feel pressured to fit into social circles at the office.
If she’s truly interested in making friends, they suggested exploring social activities outside of work, such as joining hobby groups, attending networking events, or reconnecting with old friends.
One Redditor added, “Don’t put too much effort into making small talk or joining them for lunch. Sooner or later, you’ll feel drained very quickly. Want [to] find friends?
“Go find your secondary school or university friends, otherwise, you can look into joining like-minded groups.”
As for making the shift to the private sector, one Redditor shared his experience. He wrote, “Ex-government sector/civil service/ministry here. I made the move to the private sector after two years in government. Best decision ever—no regrets at all! The private sector is calling you; go for it!
Is getting along with coworkers important?
Yes, according to career experts, getting along with the people you work with offers several benefits both in and out of the workplace. One key advantage of good coworker relationships is increased job satisfaction. When you enjoy interacting with your colleagues, you go to work happier and feel more motivated.
Moreover, according to Indeed, maintaining positive relationships with colleagues can reduce job-related stress, improve health and well-being, enhance psychological health, provide opportunities for social breaks, foster a sense of connection and camaraderie, and contribute to overall career success.
But how do you build rapport with colleagues who are much older than you? Karen Schneider, a writer for Fairygodboss and career expert, suggests getting to know them, understanding what motivates and excites them, and respecting their experience.
It’s also important to honour tradition. Even if you think your approach or process is more efficient, don’t rush into making changes or dismiss established methods. Take the time to listen to your more experienced coworkers and ask for their feedback on your proposed changes.
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