‘How do I stop strangers from touching my baby without sounding rude?’ — Anxious mum asks

SINGAPORE: A woman took to Reddit seeking advice on how to prevent strangers from touching her baby, adding that she is “very much conflict avoidant and a people pleaser” and admitting that she “needs to grow a spine.”

In a post on r/askSingapore on Tuesday (June 3), u/ohayadnez wrote about a common problem that perhaps many new parents in Singapore face, the unwanted attention, even touches, that other people seem to feel entitled to bestow on their very young offspring.

“How do you tell strangers to kindly keep their hands off your baby?” she asked, adding that she sought advice from other mums.

“There was an old lady who drooled on my baby earlier today while bending over to play with her (baby was lying in her pram) and I’m extremely traumatised and filled with regret for not being firm in asking her to back off before that happened,” she wrote, asking for grace from commenters as she was “really feeling extremely guilty about it already.”

Many commenters on the post were sympathetic, with others underlining that uninvited touches from strangers could be one way that babies could get sick.

Several suggested that parents could body block strangers, put physical distance or even obstacles between strangers and their babies.

“Sit between your baby and other people. Always give the baby the inner side,” was the top comment on the thread.

A Reddit user who agreed with the comment wrote that this “prevents the need to be confrontational. If the stranger is too much, you can just use your body to block any further contact.”

Another who chimed in to say that they’ve seen strollers with mesh covers, presumably to keep bugs out, wrote that this would be an additional layer between the baby and strangers, as the post author could stop people from pushing the mesh back.

“It’s usually older people, too. I wonder where they get the audacity,” they added.

A male commenter took a different approach, writing that one time, an elderly man suddenly reached out and touched his then 2-year-old daughter’s face, commenting that she was “so cute”. His response was to gently stroke the man’s cheeks back, saying, “No lah. Uncle, you are cute too.”

“I don’t get why the elderly think it’s ok to touch strangers’ children,” another opined.

“You can’t change the past, but you can step up and learn to draw boundaries. Consider this: your child will learn about boundaries from you. It takes practice, but you will set them up for success by teaching them that only they can consent to being touched,” a Reddit user advised kindly.

The parenting website Mindful Return offers this bit of advice.

“I’ve recently learned the concept that ‘clear is kind,’ and that principle applies well here. I don’t think there’s a need to overthink this one. You can simply say the words ‘Please don’t touch my baby.’

Yes, you can use a kind, firm, and clear voice when you deliver the message.  And if you’re in the mood for more pleasantries, you can smile and say, ‘I know how tempting it is when they’re so cute!’ And then change the subject with the stranger.” /TISG

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