Foreigner torn as Singapore girlfriend wants him to live with her parents

SINGAPORE: A foreigner who has lived in Singapore for six years recently shared his concerns online after his long-term girlfriend, whom he plans to propose to in December, asked him to move into her parents’ home instead of renting a place together.

Keen to hear other locals’ advice on this matter, he shared in a post on the r/askSingapore forum that they had been looking at studio apartments for some time, but found that anything within their budget was located too far from their workplaces.

His current rental, which costs S$2,250 a month, is also not a viable option. The space is too small for both of them to live comfortably, and he still shares the unit with roommates. With those limitations, the only alternative on the table was moving in with her parents.

However, while he said he adores her parents and that the feeling is mutual, he admitted to having reservations. 

Aside from the language barrier, he worried that his sense of autonomy could be compromised if he were to live under his girlfriend’s parents’ roof.

In his culture, he said, moving out at 18 is common and considered an important step towards independence. 

“It’s very abnormal in my culture to be living with parents at this age. I don’t want to have to worry about any type of curfew, etc. That being said, I rarely go out unless we go out together. Maybe this is my own issue, but would I get looked down upon for this decision by Singaporeans?”

On top of that, he admitted that moving in might make his girlfriend more complacent with her spending habits.

Throughout their relationship, he said that he’s been saving aggressively for the down payment of their future home, while his girlfriend had been rather careless and still spends her money on “expensive cabs.” 

According to him, she has also not been upfront about how large her current debt is.

“I’m worried this will enable her to further spend recklessly,” he said. “I know they would never ask me to contribute to household expenses, but I would feel like a leech if I didn’t contribute. How would you go about approaching this?”

“Don’t move in; your relationship problems will be greatly amplified.”

In the comments, many advised the foreigner against living with her parents, with one saying, “I would not recommend it as relationships can become super strained with in-laws when living together. I think S$2,000 is a pretty low price to pay for peace of mind and privacy.”

Another wrote, “Bro, sounds like you’re about to take the first step towards being the breadwinner and caretaker for the whole family, and not just your fiancée.”

A third added, “Don’t move in. Your relationship problems will be greatly amplified when living together with her parents. I always hear stories from friends that it is not easy to live with in-laws.”

Others, however, were more concerned about the fact that his partner does not want to disclose her financial situation.

One said, “Bro, you’re asking the wrong question. Before you marry, find out how much debt she has, no matter what. If she’s not telling you, that’s a huge red flag.”

Another commented, “Not disclosing her financial status is a red flag. I think you might need a serious discussion with her about her expectations of what married life might look like with her.”

In other news, a young woman recently turned to Reddit to ask Singaporeans a rather unusual question: Can national service (NS) “fix” her 18-year-old boyfriend, who, according to her, is a “manchild, overly reliant, and horrible at basic hygiene”?

In her post on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit on Tuesday (Sep 9), she explained that while her boyfriend is affectionate and emotionally supportive, his refusal to be independent is giving her “the ick” and making her question if the relationship has a future.

Read more: Young woman asks if NS can turn her lazy, messy, croc-wearing ‘manchild’ boyfriend into a real adult