‘Everyone in SG lives like this’: Vietnamese woman wonders if husband is hiding behind ‘Singapore culture’ to justify late nights and female friendships

SINGAPORE: A Vietnamese woman sought the opinions of Singaporeans after her husband repeatedly insisted that the habits she finds suspicious are perfectly normal because, according to him, “everyone in Singapore lives like this.”

After hearing that line one too many times during their arguments, she decided to fact-check it with Singaporeans themselves.

In a post on the r/askSingapore forum, the 32-year-old woman shared that she moved to Singapore just three months ago, and while she expected some cultural adjustments, she didn’t expect so many disagreements over what each of them considers “normal.”

One of the biggest sticking points, she said, is how friendly her husband is with his female colleagues.

She wrote, “They already spend the whole day together at work, and after work they’ll add each other on Instagram, send each other Reels, and laugh about them.” 

“It’s not excessive or anything; they don’t message every day, just little interactions here and there. He says this is completely normal in Singapore. From my cultural perspective, though, it feels a little odd.”

“Some of the women he added are already married. He sends them Reels too, but they rarely reply. The single female colleagues, however, tend to respond much more often.”

His schedule is another sore point. According to the woman, he leaves home at around 9 a.m. and usually doesn’t walk through the door until after 10 p.m.

“His official working hours are 9 to 6, but he goes to the gym after work before coming home. When I tell him I don’t like how late he gets home, he says, ‘Everyone in Singapore lives like this.’ But as a Vietnamese person, it feels strange to me.”

The issue that frustrates her the most, though, isn’t the Instagram Reels or the late nights. It’s how quickly her feelings are dismissed.

She said that whenever she reacts based on the values she grew up with, her husband labels her “insecure” or accuses her of being jealous.

“From where I come from, my reactions feel perfectly normal, just as the things he does feel questionable from my perspective. Whenever I bring up these concerns, he tells me that I need to be more open-minded and adapt because I’m living in Singapore now.”

“I understand that I need to adapt, but I don’t think it’s realistic to simply erase the cultural “values that have shaped me for 32 years overnight.”

Seeking perspectives, she asked, “I’m wondering if there are any other Vietnamese–Singaporean couples here who have gone through something similar. How do you communicate through these cultural differences? How do you compromise and find a balance that works for both of you?”

“Girl, you’re being gaslit. He’s making excuses” 

Since sharing her story, the woman has received hundreds of replies, with most commenters firmly on her side.

Many said her husband’s claim that “everyone in Singapore lives like this” was simply a lie to brush off her concerns.

One commenter wrote, “This isn’t a multicultural or cultural differences problem. It’s a respect problem.”

Another told her, “What ridiculous reason is ‘All Singaporeans do this.’ He’s taking advantage of your lack of knowledge in Singaporean culture to give you a crappy excuse and leverage on the hall pass of ‘cultural differences.’”

A third commented, “Girl, you’re being gaslit. He’s making excuses. Nobody needs to gym for 4 hours. Unless he’s using gym as an excuse for other activities.”

A fourth user added, “Woman to woman – there is NO need to reconcile cultural differences here because it isn’t even the point here anymore. He is sus and red flag and dismissive of your needs – at the minimum. His behaviour is sus and reeks of cheating in a way that transcends cultural differences. You will live perfectly fine on your own, even if you have to move elsewhere.”

In other news, Singaporeans came together to support a struggling international student after he revealed on Reddit that he has only S$100 left to last until next month.

The heartfelt post, shared on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Saturday (Jul 18), struck a chord with many, as the student made it clear that he was not asking for money, only for advice on what options he still had.

Read more: International student with just S$100 left receives an outpouring of support from Singaporeans