Brickbats for Singapore woman who yearns for married older man even after her own marriage

SINGAPORE: A Singapore woman who shared a candid account of an emotional attachment to a married colleague has sparked criticism online after revealing that she still thinks about him despite being married to what she describes as a loving and supportive husband.

In a post published on the SGWhispers Facebook page, the woman recounted how she left her job in Singapore in April 2023 and moved to Malaysia to join her father’s company as a human resources employee.

At the time, she was in a three-year relationship with her Singaporean boyfriend, but admitted that their relationship had been facing difficulties.

“We cared about each other, but our relationship had been struggling, especially when it came to marriage matters and our future together,” she wrote.

It was during this period that she met the company’s Group General Manager, an older man whom she quickly grew close to.

“He was older than me, confident, intelligent, and easy to talk to,” she recalled, adding that he had previously been based in Perth before relocating to Malaysia for family reasons.

The woman said the connection she felt with him was unlike anything she had experienced in a long time.

“For the first time in a long while, I felt understood. We could talk for hours about anything and everything,” she wrote.

She even remembered thinking to herself, “If only he were my boyfriend.”

However, she later discovered that the man was married and had a child.

“We both knew where the boundaries were supposed to be. Yet somehow, we became part of each other’s daily lives,” she admitted.

According to the woman, the pair communicated constantly.

“Every morning, he would text me. We shared our thoughts, our frustrations, and the little details of our days,” she wrote, adding that he even bought her flowers despite being allergic to them.

The situation eventually escalated when the man’s wife found out about her existence.

The woman claimed the wife contacted her directly and said she was prepared to separate from her husband. The wife allegedly told her that she had “never had loved him” and that “the only reason why they got together was that she wanted a kid.”

The relationship, however, ended when the woman’s father caught a whiff of the situation and fired the man.

Not long afterwards, the woman resigned from her position and returned to Singapore. Although they stopped communicating, she said she struggled to move on.

“But I couldn’t let go,” she admitted, “I tried reaching out. I even flew to Perth, hoping to find him.”

After seven months of silence, the man eventually contacted her again. However, she said he continued to appear and disappear from her life intermittently.

In November 2025, the man contacted her again and asked whether she was single.

By then, she had already married her former boyfriend.

Despite describing her husband in glowing terms, she acknowledged that her feelings remained conflicted.

“My husband is a genuinely good man. He loves me, supports me, and has given me everything I could ask for in a partner,” she wrote, “Yet there are moments when I feel guilty because a part of my heart still remembers someone else.”

“The hardest truth I’ve had to accept is that love is not always about who we end up with,” she wrote, “Sometimes the people who leave the deepest mark on our lives are the ones we never truly had.”

She concluded by questioning whether what she experienced was “love, timing, obsession, unfinished business, or simply the longing for someone who made me feel seen.”

The confession drew little sympathy from many commenters, who argued that the woman was romanticising a relationship that never fully materialised while overlooking the commitment she had already made to her husband.

One commenter wrote, “If you have someone in your heart then don’t get married. Since you physically took a step forward, don’t emotionally look backwards. Eyes grow in front of the head, not behind.”

Another criticised what they saw as indecisiveness, saying, “You drama. Suddenly this, suddenly that. Make up your mind. Let your yes be yes and no be no.”

Several commenters questioned the character and intentions of the older man.

“If that guy could develop a close relationship with you while being married, he could do the same to you if you end up together,” one person remarked. “And notice how he ghosted you for so long, only to suddenly reappear to ask if you are still single? He obviously came back out of convenience, not love.”

Others argued that the woman’s feelings stemmed more from an idealised fantasy than genuine love.

One commenter suggested she was mourning a possibility rather than a relationship, writing, “It’s not love but the imagination of a potential relationship that never got to materialise. You miss the moments that made you feel seen and heard, but you don’t know a thing about this man. Romance comes and goes, love stays.”

Another echoed the sentiment, arguing that what she experienced was validation during a vulnerable period of her life.

“What you had was being seen, validated and acknowledged of your existence,” the commenter wrote. “The mind registers those moments even years later. It’s not love or affection as one may think.”

Some netizens were even more blunt, warning that the woman may have misunderstood the nature of the relationship entirely.

“You’re like so gullible,” one commenter wrote, “Men can easily put up a facade to win girls. Your perception of this guy is flawed and distorted. If he truly loves you, he would have been with you when he’s separated or at the very least, not ghost you.”

Another commenter argued that loneliness, rather than love, may have been the driving force behind her feelings.

“Not love. Never was,” the commenter wrote. “What you experience is just loneliness. It just happened that your relationship was on the rocks and he appeared.”

The same commenter also warned that had the situation progressed further, the woman could have been viewed as a “home wrecker,” adding that a man willing to pursue an affair while married was unlikely to be trustworthy in a future relationship.

Many commenters ultimately urged her to focus on her marriage instead of dwelling on what might have been.

“Let him go la,” one person advised. “Focus on your marriage. A good man, good husband is not easy to come by. Don’t wait till too late to give him your 100%.”