‘Am I being too sensitive?’: Husband feels ‘disrespected’ as wife belittles him in front of friends and family

SINGAPORE: A husband took to social media to share that he feels “disrespected” by his wife, as she frequently belittles him in front of her friends and family.

In a post on the r/SingaporeR forum, he said that during group conversations, his wife often shuts him down with remarks such as “what are you talking about?”, “are you sure?”, or “how can this be?”, which he feels reflects a lack of respect toward him.

He added that he is primarily responsible for handling the family’s investments, budgeting, finances, and mileage planning, allowing his wife to focus on her career and caring for their child.

However, he said that in social settings, she tends to assert herself as “knowledgeable”, even when he believes she is not well-informed on the topics being discussed.

Moreover, the man wrote that even though they could comfortably afford a three-bedroom condo in the Outside Central Region (OCR), his wife refuses to chip in for it because “she does not want to feel financially burdened”.

He further said that he and his wife have completely different personalities.

“She has a personality that doesn’t prioritise planning (while I’m quite the opposite), and this has caused many stressful situations in the family; late for our kid’s class, late for work, stretchy timelines for many things.”

One incident last week, he said, pushed him over the edge. While their child was having a meltdown outside the childcare centre, his wife suddenly ordered a taxi and left without telling him because “she was late for a meeting”, leaving him alone to manage the situation.

“After she left, I texted her this was disrespectful, and I threatened divorce, as this clearly overstepped a red line for me, as the above incident really made me feel like I’m just a driver in this family,” he explained.

“Wife did not back down but instead got defensive in the fight. The fight got so bad that I threatened divorce in front of my parents, which made her even more defensive. This was a mistake on my end, but in my defence, she pushed me a bit too much during the quarrel.”

Concluding his post, he wrote, “I would really like to know if what I’m feeling is too sensitive. Thanks in advance.”

“Find a time to talk to her, and share your feelings with her.”

In the comments, many users reassured the man that he was not being “too sensitive.”

One user wrote, “You’re not ‘too sensitive’ or anything. Your feelings are perfectly valid. Even if you don’t love a person, basic respect/dignity is something everyone deserves.”

Another commenter, identifying as a woman, added, “You are not overthinking or oversensitive. Your issues are valid. No female will accept being disrespected by her husband in front of his friends, so the same shouldn’t happen to husbands as well.”

Meanwhile, several others suggested that the couple consider marriage counselling. 

One told him, “Go for marriage counselling. Go with an open mind that you could be at fault. Don’t be defensive. Be honest. State solid facts. Bring receipts (evidence). Tell your partner, ‘I want to save this marriage. Do you want that? If yes, we need help.’”

Another added, “Find a time to talk to her, and share your feelings with her. If it still doesn’t work out, and she doesn’t consider you more, maybe then you can consider other options like counseling, and so on.”

In other news, a local man has sparked backlash online after claiming in a viral video that he rejected every Singaporean applicant who applied for junior and mid-level roles at his company, allegedly because they lacked initiative, personality, and the ability to clearly communicate their ideas.

The man, who goes by the username leethenomad, shared the video earlier this month on Instagram and TikTok with the title, “The Singapore Premium is weakening.”

Read more: ‘They are yes men’: Local man claims he rejected every Singaporean applicant for junior and mid-level roles at his company, sparks backlash online