SINGAPORE: Working with someone from a different generation can sometimes mean adjusting to a different way of doing things, but for one Singaporean worker, the gap between her approach to work and her boss’s old-school methods has left her wondering how much adapting she should really be expected to do.
The worker, who is employed in an events role at an SME, turned to Reddit for advice about her manager, whom she described as technically Gen X but having what she called a “boomer mentality.”
She said it was her “first time working directly under someone 50” and described her boss as a “natural perfectionist.”
‘I thought I could look up to her’
The worker said their relationship was not always that difficult, though.
When she first joined the company, the manager came across as “really personable and positive.”
“She had coaching certificates, and we had convos over lunch about mental health and all that jazz. I thought I could look up to her.”
Her probation feedback and appraisal were also positive, she added, so she was caught off guard when things began to change roughly six months into the job.
She said their “day-to-day interactions” had since become “increasingly hostile.”
“Any mistake (or task I do perceived as NOT my JD) gets an average 10 min lecture with her office door open. I would’ve already been able to get on with my day and finish three things on my to-do list if she did not spiral. Also, one time I ate at a networking event, and she said I shouldn’t because I will be judged for not doing my job (?!).”
She also finds herself receiving mixed messages about going the extra mile.
Whenever she tries to be particularly helpful to clients, her manager allegedly tells her not to, pointing out that they are a “lean team” and that their time needs to be spent on “BIGGER BETTER things.”
She also complained about how her manager constantly nitpicks everything she does.
“I make it a point to give her visibility on the projects I’m working on. Then suddenly she says she doesn’t need the work-in-progress. Only want the final product.”
“But when I send the final product, she nitpicks on everything. The font. The alignment. Really low-value things. Then she ends up editing it herself anyway.”
On another occasion, she and a colleague asked another department for help with an event, but their manager rejected the request.
The worker said she found this particularly baffling because other departments regularly ask her team for help with their events, even when her team has not volunteered.
Because of how hectic things have been, two of her teammates eventually quit.
“I’m now her only assistant. There are talks about ‘things will change,’ but nothing has changed. The only thing that has changed is my manager is only allowed to hire one replacement even though two have left.”
“I was told in a meeting today to be more efficient, and now I just AI, whatever deck or email, to save time and compromise on quality/aesthetics.”
‘I miss the tech sector’
Looking back, the worker said she misses her time in the tech sector, where things moved at a much “faster pace.” She was used to ideas being acted on quickly and results coming through without having to jump through too many hoops.
Her current workplace, by comparison, feels much more bureaucratic. “I really like the way tech operates. It’s fast, and results are quick.”
“In this office, there are layers and layers and layers of approvals, and titles are like bestowed upon. I can’t take this culture seriously.”
Despite finding the culture difficult to take seriously, however, she is reluctant to leave because she sees the industry as relatively “layoff-proof.”
‘Always prioritise your mental health’
In the comments, one Singaporean Redditor wrote that the boss might not necessarily be cold or difficult by nature. She could simply be cautious about forming new relationships at work, especially after years of seeing colleagues come and go. In that case, building trust could take much longer than six months.
“6 months to them is very short; you are like not even an infant in her eyes, probably a fetus (vs her 16 years). Tough old workers tend to have a wall to protect themselves, but inside is soft. It takes time to gain that trust and definitely not in 6 months but probably 1-2 years.”
“She’s also probably careful because frankly it’s damn tiring to ‘rebuild’ relationships every 3-5 years with new batches. Personally, if you aren’t in any hurry to climb or promote and are just there to cruise, I’ll say hang in there at least and do a lot of networking.”
Another encouraged her to look at the situation from another angle. “I think you’re a smart person. Instead of taking all these negatively, what do you think you can do to win her trust and confidence without hurting her?”
Still, not everyone thought the worker should put up with a difficult working environment indefinitely.
Some commenters said that there was a limit to how much emotional energy anyone should spend trying to manage another person’s insecurities or behaviour.
One user told her, “She seems like an insecure person, gosh. I’m working with one now, and I’m leaving! If it gets too much to handle, always prioritise your mental health. You sound like a strong one. Good luck and jiayou.”/TISG
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