To touch, or not to touch? Singaporeans debate children’s bodily autonomy vs friendly pats from seniors

SINGAPORE: In the aftermath of the assault of a hawker uncle who had patted a little girl on her head, a debate has emerged as to whether children should be touched without their consent.

On Aug 15, a video was shared on the Facebook page of Bei-Ing Wanton Noodle 美樱雲吞麵 showing 73-year-old Yeo Soog Khoon walking between the tables of the eatery, and as he passed a small child, he briefly touched her on the head. After he did this, the woman who was with the girl, presumably her mother, appeared to call his attention to what he’d done.

As she was speaking to Mr Yeo, a man who had previously been sitting with the girl and the woman, returned to the table and began to confront the uncle. Soon after, the man began speaking forcefully to the uncle and pointing in his face, which escalated to him grabbing the older man by the arm and pulling him to the floor in an angry manner.

There has since been an outpouring of sympathy toward Mr Yeo, who has been a well-loved figure in the area for many years.

While commenters in Singapore agreed that the man had overreacted and that the violence with which he treated the older man had been completely uncalled for, some raised the point that parents, as well as children themselves, have a right to impose boundaries in such matters.

Others argued, however, that it is all right for others, especially the elderly, to give children “friendly” pats.

The issue appears to have struck a chord with many in Singapore, where, just like in other parts of Asia, children can sometimes be considered as almost communal property and be commented on and even touched by strangers, and elders are highly respected, and many people welcome, or at least tolerate, the attention they give to children.

Many commenters had strong feelings about the issue.

“No, don’t touch my kids… unless you ask permission first,” wrote one.

“An uninvited reach into a child’s space triggers an immediate protective reaction: you don’t wait to analyse intent after the fact. Working at a coffeeshop doesn’t give anyone special permission to touch customers’ children without consent,” added another.

A woman, however, wrote, “Many people also touch my children’s heads. I am ok la.”

To this, another replied, “Your kids probably made those people’s day, especially for old people.”

“What is all the fuss about a pat on the head…the old man probably did it grandfatherly,” a Facebook user wrote.

“My son gets touched by lots of uncles and aunties every day. Don’t understand why that guy wants to hurt that old uncle,” another chimed in.

However, a commenter wrote, “Asking permission before touching someone else’s child is basic manners, something the uncle could learn. And knowing how to control one’s temper and not resort to physical force is something the young father could learn.”

One parent wrote that they showed the clip to their three-year-old daughter, who responded this way: “Her exact quotes:

• ‘Why that uncle touch the girl?’

• Don’t like! I say ‘Nooo, please stop!’

• ‘If he don’t listen, I call police to catch!’

• ‘Noooo, cannot push people!’

• ‘Uncle wrong, papa wrong also!’

He added, “A 3yo instantly grasped bodily autonomy, proper escalation, and non-violence in under 2 minutes. Proof that both things can be wrong at the same time.” /TISG

Read also: SG mums agree with angry TikToker who said there should be a ‘DO NOT TOUCH MY BABY’ sign