Woman says male colleague 10 years older kept contacting her despite being asked to stop; netizens urge her to report him

SINGAPORE: A 23-year-old woman is wondering whether she’s overreacting after a male colleague, about 10 years older than her, allegedly continued messaging her even after she told him he had crossed her personal boundaries and asked to keep their relationship strictly professional.

According to her post on the r/asksg forum, the man works in another team within the same department and is part of the lunch group she occasionally joins. Since joining the company earlier this year, she said he had singled her out by giving her “extra personal attention” through private messages, invitations, and frequent check-ins that made her increasingly uncomfortable.

At first, she tried to quietly distance herself, hoping the situation would fizzle out on its own. But he later messaged her asking why she had become “quiet around him.”

Believing she had no choice but to address the issue directly, she sent him a message explaining that his overall pattern of behaviour had crossed her personal boundaries and asked that they keep their relationship strictly professional moving forward.

“He agreed,” she wrote, “but later shared our private boundary text with a colleague because he ‘couldn’t understand’ my reaction.”

For the next few weeks, things seemed to settle down. Although they were still part of the same lunch group, they had no direct interactions, and she believed the matter had finally been resolved.

However, while he was out of the office, the colleague contacted her again, asking if they could talk so he could understand what had gone wrong and move past the awkwardness.

She chose not to reply.

According to the woman, he then followed up with another lengthy message, going through several past interactions one by one in an attempt to explain his intentions.

“I didn’t reply, and he sent another long message breaking down multiple specific past interactions to justify his intentions. Here’s the thing, I had never given him a list of incidents; he identified all those uncomfortable moments completely on his own.”

“Now I feel dragged back into an issue I thought was closed. I never wanted to escalate the situation; we work in the same department, and I wanted to handle it privately. He is also quite well-known around the firm and close with people across different departments, including HR.”

Feeling emotionally drained and unsure what the colleague was really trying to achieve, she asked fellow Singaporeans: “Is he genuinely trying to learn, or is this just defensive boundary-pushing because he is uncomfortable with the distance I set?”

“Am I looking at this from the wrong POV? If you were in my shoes, would you reply to him, or just leave it in the past?”

“Collect evidence and get HR involved”

Many Redditors felt the colleague’s behaviour was inappropriate and urged her to document everything in case the situation escalated.

The top comment read, “Maybe you should raise your concerns with your manager? Because this is low-key creepy and bordering on harassment.”

Another said, “Typical creep behaviour. To protect yourself, screenshot all your messages with him before he deletes them. Ignore him or say, ‘You are making me uncomfortable, please don’t message me privately again.’”

A third wrote, “If you give him the benefit of the doubt and continue to be polite with him, he may take it the wrong way or try to take advantage by pushing more boundaries. Collect evidence and get HR involved.”

Others also suggested avoiding the lunch group altogether. 

“Just find another lunch group or eat alone,” one user told her. “This is what happens when a man can’t take no for an answer. The colleague whom he showed the conversation to is probably another guy and said, ‘She is playing hard to get.’”

The Ministry of Manpower (MOM) advises employees facing workplace harassment to keep their distance from the harasser where possible, use a buddy system, seek help using a pre-arranged distress signal, and familiarise themselves with their company’s workplace harassment procedures.

If the behaviour continues or escalates, employees are encouraged to report the incident to a supervisor, manager, HR representative, or any other neutral party.

Read also: Elderly man allegedly scolds Gen Z commuter over MRT seat until a ‘May I Have a Seat’ card appears