‘She knows we’re a couple’: Woman puzzled after colleague asks her boyfriend to dinner more than once

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean employee took to social media after finding herself increasingly bothered by a colleague who keeps asking her boyfriend out for dinner.

For context, she explained in a post on the r/askSingapore forum that her 29-year-old boyfriend recently joined the same company and department as her. As part of his role, he regularly liaises with a 32-year-old colleague from another department.

She added that this colleague occasionally joins them and other coworkers for after-work drinks, and is fully aware that they are a couple.

Recently, however, the woman began to feel uneasy when her boyfriend told her that the colleague had asked him out for dinner after they had worked overtime together. Coincidentally, she was not in the office that day.

“My boyfriend, of course, rejected her,” she wrote. “But just two days ago, when I was working overtime together with my boyfriend, I heard her personally asking him out for dinner AGAIN. She did not know I was working overtime with him.”

Perplexed by the situation, the woman asked whether the colleague’s behaviour was normal or if she was simply overreacting. She added, “I feel this colleague should not ask him out behind my back, especially since she knows that we are a couple. I am not angry at this situation, but is there a need for me to take some action for this?”

‘It all comes down to communication’

In the comments, several users felt the colleague may simply have been trying to be friendly or courteous, especially given that they work together regularly.

One user wrote, “To be fair, there’s nothing wrong with her asking. It could be something normal for her. The intention can be anything from just being courteous (in her mind) to building rapport with a coworker, or she could be lonely, or she might actually be interested. But your boyfriend can just turn the offer down and say he’s having dinner with you.”

Another shared, “I mean, I’ve done my fair share of inviting a female colleague out for dinner because it’s late and we do OT, but we usually either dabao and go back to our desk and eat or we just make a quick dinner break before going back to work.”

Some users suggested there was an easy way to gauge the colleague’s intentions without creating tension in the workplace.

One commenter advised, “The next time she asks him out after OT, have your boyfriend say: ‘Sure! Let me check if my gf wants to join us since she’s free too.’ If she genuinely just wants a work buddy, she’ll welcome you. If she has an agenda, she’ll suddenly back out. It gracefully shuts down the one-on-one vibe without making things awkward at work.”

A few others, however, felt there was not enough information to draw any firm conclusions.

One user wrote, “A lot more context is needed. I’m married with no kids, and I do eat one-on-one with both male and female friends. And I do not have any romantic interest in them other than normal friendship stuff. I do update my wife too, and vice versa. It all comes down to communication between the couple.”

In other news, a domestic helper took to social media to share that she “felt small” after her employer did not allow her to join the family for a meal at a restaurant.

Posting in the SINGAPORE TRANSFER (No Fees/SD), DIRECT HIRE & NEW HELPER Facebook group, the helper explained that she is still new to the household and is trying her best to adjust to the family’s routines and expectations.

Read more: ‘I felt small’: Maid says she sat without food while feeding employer’s children at restaurant