Woman considers buying ‘gold’ after mother-in-law says she’s ‘not generous’ enough

SINGAPORE: A woman has turned to an online forum for advice after discovering that her mother-in-law considers her “not generous” despite years of buying gifts, bringing back treats from overseas trips, and paying for meals during family occasions.

The 32-year-old, who shared her story on the Reddit forum r/askSingapore, said she was completely blindsided when her husband told her that his mother apparently felt she had “never” bought her anything before.

“I dated my husband, the same age, in 2022 and married in 2024, and recently, my MIL voiced out to my husband that she thinks that I am not generous because I ‘have never’ bought her any gifts and that her friend’s daughter-in-law always buys them gifts.”

The woman, however, disputed the claim and listed several things she had given her mother-in-law over the years. These included supplements when she was ill, durian pastries, edible products from overseas trips, Chinese New Year goodies, and meals or treats during family celebrations and special occasions.

“I believe that the reason why she feels this way might be because the things I’ve gifted them has always been edible / perishable gifts. Out of sight, once consumed, out of mind,” she wrote, adding that she is “not very rich” and cannot afford expensive branded goods.

After hearing the hurtful comment, the woman said she is now wondering whether she should start giving her mother-in-law “gold” instead.

At the end of her post, she asked the online community, “What gifts do you get for your MIL? I would like to find out what other gifts your MIL appreciates that can be purchased in Singapore?”

“I think you should stick to your usual gifts for her”

People in the comments section told the woman that her husband should have defended her after his mother criticised her for supposedly being “not generous.”

“What did your husband say? He should stand up for you,” one user wrote. “You did buy her gifts on numerous occasions. If she wants gold or anything pricey, I think your husband should pay for it rather than you. Unless your husband spends so much money on your mum, there’s no good reason for you to do so. He should stand up for you and deal with his mum.”

“Anything to do with your parents, you deal with it; anything to do with his parents, he deals with it. You are not a mindreader. You can’t know what she wants and what she’s thinking. If this is a major issue, the husband needs to step in to be the mediator and problem solver—same goes with if your parents kick up a fuss about something,” another chimed in.

Other commenters slammed the mother-in-law’s attitude, calling her “toxic,” “overly demanding,” and accusing her of having a “crooked mindset.”

They also warned the woman against giving in by purchasing expensive gifts such as gold.

One user said, “Nah. I think you should stick to your usual gifts for her. Because once you give in, she will keep asking for more and more next time. Nothing will satisfy her. So don’t waste your time and money.”

In other news, a domestic helper took to social media to share that she is now having second thoughts about staying with her current employers because the tense and toxic environment at home has been taking a toll on her mental health.

In a post shared on the “SINGAPORE TRANSFER (No Fees/SD), DIRECT HIRE & NEW HELPER” Facebook group on Monday (May 4), the helper said that ever since she started working, her employers, a married couple, had been arguing frequently inside the house, often with “raised voices.”

Read more: ‘I need a peaceful environment’ — Maid says toxic home environment is affecting her mental health