‘Why are fewer Singaporeans choosing to have children these days?’ — Woman asks ‘childfree married folks’ if ‘you regret not having them?’

SINGAPORE: Why are fewer Singaporeans choosing to have children these days? That was the heartfelt question posed by one woman on Reddit r/askSingapore, sparking a lively, sometimes brutally honest discussion on the realities of modern parenthood—or the lack thereof.

She shared her own story: “When we first started dating, my partner was open to having/not having kids, but I was completely opposed to it because I’ve never had maternal instincts (I don’t find joy in interacting with kids) and don’t want to go through pregnancy.”

Over the years, her reasons only grew more. From wanting to “return to a clean and quiet house” to ensuring children wouldn’t “hinder us from early retirement,” the list reflected the sentiments of many in Singapore who now prioritize lifestyle, financial independence, and mental well-being over traditional expectations.

“I want to enjoy my A/L (annual leave) and travel as and when I want to,” she wrote, adding that she sees how “tired our young parent-colleagues are” and wants no part of that “lifestyle”.

“I wish more people were honest and introspective enough to realize they are not fit to be parents…”

Her post drew dozens of responses, many sharing deeply personal and sobering perspectives.

One commenter didn’t hold back his words: “I wish more people were honest and introspective enough to realize they are not fit to be parents. Every single child abuse/neglect case breaks my heart.”

Another, who grew up in an abusive household, wrote: “I suffered child abuse, and wished I was never born because I am not loved by my family. Every day I question myself why I have to suffer because of my parents’ selfish expectation of me being their retirement plan.”

For some, childhood trauma was reason enough to opt out of parenthood. “I already grew up with no actual childhood. I just wanna spend my salary having the fun I missed out on… Kids cost way too much, and I don’t want to accidentally become the reason why they go to therapy in the future.”

“Kids are expensive! That’s the only reason…”

Money was unsurprisingly a recurring theme. “Children are not profitable,” quipped one commenter, while another cuts to the chase: “Kids are expensive! That’s the only reason.”

But many also highlighted emotional and ethical dimensions. A teacher weighed in: “It is heartening to see how many people now can recognize that they aren’t fit to be parents. Many older parents have kids cause they feel like it’s the right thing to do, but then neglect parenting. Parenting goes beyond just providing food and a roof.”

Others framed the decision as an act of compassion. One husband explained his wife’s stance: “She doesn’t want to bring an unwilling life to suffer in this world. The person does not have a choice to be born.”

Echoing this, another Redditor declared: “Human suffering is the only guaranteed outcome of creation. Of course, humans have the capacity for immense joy, but suffering is an unavoidable part of life. Such is the human condition.”

“It’s better to regret not having kids than to regret having them…”

Younger voices, in particular, underscored how childfree choices have become increasingly normalized. “As a Gen Z, 95% of people I know don’t want kids. Generally, it is quite accepted and normalized,” wrote one.

Another added: “Not married but I’m childfree and it’s better to regret not having kids than to regret having them.”

Still, some acknowledged that regret might arrive later in life. “Loneliness only sets in at the late stage when your partner dies, and you lose the mental and physical capacity to do anything, staying home alone, biding your time,” one local observed.

“Life’s only inevitable is suffering, so what’s the point?”

Singapore, like many developed nations, has been grappling with low fertility rates. Despite government incentives, from baby bonuses to parental leave schemes, the Reddit discussion reflects a generational shift in values: Personal freedom, financial security, and mental health often outweigh the desire—or pressure—to start a family.

As one Redditor summed it up: “Life’s only inevitable is suffering. Baby windy belly suffering, go to school have homework suffering, find a job suffering, have a job suffering, then die also suffering! So what’s the point?”

Antinatalism

These reflections from fellow Singaporeans on rejecting parenthood seemed to align closely with the anti-natalist philosophy—a growing global movement that questions whether bringing new life into the world is necessary, or even ethical.

An anti-natalist’s point of view is that since life is inseparable from suffering and no child can choose to consent to being born beforehand, it is therefore unfair to impose existence on them. The movement also raises environmental concerns, noting that fewer births could reduce the strain on already stretched planetary resources.

They also point to the high costs of raising kids, suggesting the money could be better spent on adopting existing orphans instead.

So perhaps the real answer lies in this mix of candid honesty, economic pragmatism, and existential reflection. For many in Singapore today, it’s not about whether having children is possible—it’s now more about whether it’s even worth it, considering all the factors mentioned earlier.

Read related: ‘Not having kids is the best financial/mental health decision anyone can take’ — Man says ‘parenthood isn’t compulsory’ just because everyone does it