SINGAPORE: A bridesmaid took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for feeling frustrated with the newly- married couple, who took back all the gate crash red packets and made her and the other bridesmaids pay for their own dresses.
In a post on Reddit’s ‘Ask Singapore’ forum, she shared that, despite being first-timers, the bridesmaids did everything they could to ensure the wedding went smoothly.
They arrived early at around 5-6 am, organized the gate crash games, helped set up for the reception, and took on tasks like collecting red packets from guests.
“The couple specifically made bridesmaids and groomsmen, those doing registration duties, to ensure that guests WROTE their names on their packets,” she said. “It was SO embarrassing that we had to double-check and make them write or write the names ourselves.”
Despite all their hard work, however, the bridesmaid felt that the couple did not show any appreciation or acknowledge their efforts beyond the ceremony itself.
She said that what was most disappointing was how the gate crash red packets, which are traditionally given to the bridesmaids, groomsmen, and helpers as a token of gratitude, were only handed out for show.
“The couple took back all red packets after the morning session,” she said. “We only got a total of $100 in red packets from them, which was not enough to cover dresses, transport. We had to pay for the bridesmaid dresses ourselves.”
Because of this, the bridesmaid decided to give a modest $20-30 in her dinner red packet to the couple, which was less than what she would have liked to give. She felt that, had she received more from the couple, she would have been able to “return” the money as a gesture of goodwill.
“Given that we received close to nothing and weren’t even able to cover our expenses, I only decided on a 20-30,” she wrote.
Moreover, she revealed that the couple also complained about how some guests did not give them enough red packets to cover the table costs.
“They are not challenged financially. They splurged on what made them look good — dresses, venue, decor,” she added.
She then asked the Reddit community, “Am I demanding too much? Are weddings getting too transactional in Singapore? Every red packet received is seen as a way to cover costs.”
“It’s not normal for bride to keep gate crash angbao.”
Many Singaporean Redditors said that they understood the bridesmaid’s feelings, with one saying, “It’s not normal for bride to keep gate crash angbao. They also should have covered at least your dress.”
Another Redditor agreed and wrote, “Walao the couple is too cheap. Taking back red packets is lolllzzzz. I think it’s courtesy to ensure that people who have woken up early and contributed their efforts for my event are not out of pocket.”
Others, however, had a different perspective, suggesting that both the couple and the bridesmaid were being too transactional.
They felt that both sides were concentrating too much on the financial aspects of the wedding rather than embracing the true spirit of giving and supporting one another.
One Redditor added, “Personally, if the bridesmaid and best men expect to receive a certain amount of money from the wedding as a form of profit but get upset upon seeing the amount they’re actually receiving, they’re money-minded.”
Another said, “Everybody is demanding too much. The couple is demanding that their wedding cost is covered by the angpaos. You are demanding to have the cost of being a bridesmaid covered. Both of you need better friends.”
Couple typically give angbaos to those who helped with the event
According to Changjiu Wedding’s website, in Chinese weddings, it’s a common practice for the couple to show their appreciation to those who help make the day special. This includes the bridesmaids, groomsmen, photographers, makeup artists, and anyone else involved in the wedding preparations and event.
One of the most traditional ways to express gratitude is by giving “red packets” (also known as “angbaos””), which are small envelopes filled with money.
The amount of money inside the red packets can vary depending on the person’s role and the couple’s budget, typically ranging from $20 to $100.
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