SINGAPORE: A woman recently found out she was pregnant shared her honest thoughts on social media. She expressed her concerns about the costs of pregnancy and raising a child in Singapore, stating that she has been crying every day due to these worries.
“I’m scared that we will despise the child because of how stressful it is to live here financially,” the woman wrote on r/askSingapore on Tuesday (March 19).
The woman also shared that she is a foreigner working freelance, while her husband is a PR working full-time. They don’t have a home and are sharing an HDB with a friend.
Despite not earning much, she allocates monthly money to support her retired parents and younger sister. Similarly, her husband also provides financial assistance to his family every month.
“I feel like we’re gonna regret having a child with such condition,” she lamented.
“We don’t really have any savings, and we have an unreliable family who can’t and won’t help if anything happens. The baby is gonna be a foreigner and we won’t get baby bonus.
I’ve been nagging my husband to move to my home country because things are almost 10x cheaper there. But he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t want to lose his PR and get a lower salary.”
The woman also admitted that she has thought about getting an abortion; however, her husband is not in favour of it.
She explained that this was because her husband had a “fertility issue,” and the doctor had told them back then that their chances of becoming parents were slim.
Thus, her husband considered her pregnancy a miracle and expressed concern that should his fertility issue worsen in the future, they may never be able to conceive.
“I get where he’s coming from but at the same time I’m also scared that we turn into bad parents because of pressure from financial issues.”
“He keeps comforting me and tells me that we will be okay. I did want to have a child but now it’s being handed on my hand, all these worries really make me feel overwhelmed.
And I feel really bad for him that he will have another human who will depend on him and be his burden.”
She then asked other Singaporeans, “Would any of you parents share your experiences? Did any of you have a similar issue yet continue on having the child and sadly end up regretting your decision?”
“Discuss with your husband. If you both don’t think you’re ready to be parents then please don’t bring a child into this world”
Under her post, Singaporean Redditors urged the woman to have a heartfelt conversation with her husband about her pregnancy.
Most emphasized the importance of open communication and understanding among spouses, particularly during such significant life events.
One individual commented, “Discuss with your husband. If you both don’t think you’re ready to be parents, then please don’t bring a child into this world.
If your marriage fails because of this, your child will have a broken family, or worse, blame themselves for you splitting up. If you resent your child because of things like finances, that’s a s**t situation and environment for a child to grow up in.”
Another individual said, “Unfortunately this is a harsh world and SG is not the most foreigner friendly to raise a kid. Baby bonus aside, you get no help for healthcare and childcare.
Yes there are ways to keep your daily expenses on necessities low, but there are so many curveballs that can be thrown your way beyond your control. Renting? Landlord up your rent 20% next contract. Is your husband’s job safe?
Retrenchment is never too far away. With little to no savings, you are at risk if anything happens to your family financially.”
Some also shared real-life scenarios of people they knew who had gone through the same thing.
One individual shared about a female colleague who returned to her home country to raise their child while her husband opted to stay in Singapore for work.
He added, “It was made purely from a financial perspective, as the kid will have to pay foreigner rate for school fees. Now the kid is 10 years old already and my colleague go back home every 3 months or so.”
Another individual shared that she, too, once knew someone who had a child and regretted it, writing, “Sadly, she took her own life shortly after because the child went into depression quite early on.
(Singapore sucks for being an average-below average person, and that hit the child very hard especially with academics.)
I do not want this fate on anyone else. If you are not ready to have a child, please do not have a child.”
Read related: Pregnant woman undergoes emergency C-section; faces $200K medical bill as baby is uninsured