SINGAPORE: After a woman took to Reddit asking, “How often do u expect ur spouse to contact u or talk to u?” many netizens on the platform gave it to her straight, with one telling her, “It doesn’t sound like he wants to marry you. You’re a ‘BTO partner’ not a wife.”
u/Ok-Age7899 wrote on r/askSingapore on Friday (Sept 15) that while she and her husband registered their marriage a year ago, they’ve been living apart and only recently received the keys to their BTO flat. The problem is that her husband barely communicates.
“I am feeling very alone in this marriage and I don’t know how to go on as it feels like there’s almost no love, no affection, no care and concern and no appreciation from him.”
She described her husband as a workaholic who immediately answers texts from colleagues but lets days go by before responding to her.
“I started being unhappy and disappointed with our communication during the house keys collection. At that time, even though it is his choice to retain the 20k cpf, it wasn’t communicated by him prior despite all my prior communication with him on housing installments were based on if we wipe out each of our cpf.
As I didn’t have any intention to retain cpf prior, at the moment it feels to me he don’t care about me to share prior why/ how it may be useful to retain some amount. I feel disappointed when at the moment I thought I should retain some amount too after hearing that he’s retaining, he pointed out that loan amount / cash amount for me will increase if I retain, when it already increased when he retains,” she wrote.
Since then, she has been working on the house renovation on her own and has grown resentful because of it.
Her husband says he’s always busy at work but does not seem to realize she is busy and tired as well, and she feels like he takes her for granted.
Moreover, after the renovation, she’s been moving her things in by herself, while he has yet to do so.
She wrote that she hopes things will get better when they live under the same roof but added, “but it feels like he is not looking forward to stay with me which is unlike what I feel a couple should be.”
“All I wanted was for him to understand what I was feeling but I feel that the saddest part is when I tried explaining to him how I felt he just thought I’m trying to start an argument, because he states ‘I don’t understand wth is the issue’. The issue is there’s a lack of/ no communication and how can a relationship/ a marriage continue like this?”
Many Reddit users chimed in with straight-shooting advice.
“Don’t be a pushover,” one wrote, adding, “If he really cannot reciprocate, cut loss and move on. The more you try to drag on, the more attached you’ll be and the harder it’ll get. Meanwhile he’ll just be getting his free personal assistant/housekeeper.”
“Why be with someone who treats you as his lowest priority?” asked another.
“My only advice and i am very sincere in saying this, is to split up. the short term pain would be lesser than the long term suffering if you continue to stay on in this relationship. please do not view your years together as a ‘sunk cost’. you still have a lot of years ahead of you,” advised one.
One warned, “The unequal CPF contribution was already a big red flag. Don’t collect any more red flags. 🚩🚩🚩”
/TISG
Do Singaporean men want to date someone who aspires to be a stay-at-home wife?