‘You still cane and use physical punishment on your children?’ — SG millennial says he’s shocked to see ‘80% SG parents’ still do

SINGAPORE: It’s 2025 now, yet we still have parents in Singapore using the cane to punish their children, as if it were still 1985. That’s the scene painted by one shocked Singaporean millennial who took to Reddit to ask: “You still cane and use physical punishment on your children?”

In his post on r/askSingapore, the writer confessed he assumed physical punishment had become a thing of the past among millennial parents. “As a millennial, I feel using the cane to discipline your child is a trend that is slowly dying out in our generation, as based on my conversation with friends, all of them disavow caning and any forms of physical punishment,” he wrote.

But reality hit him hard when he stumbled upon a 2019 YouGov survey showing nearly 80% of Singaporean parents still use physical punishment — everything from palm-smacking to the cane. “I was shocked,” he admitted. And for clarity, he spelled it out: Physical punishment isn’t just the cane. It also includes “spanking, belting, smacking, slapping, kicking, biting, shaking, pulling hair, pinching, and being hit by objects such as spoons and shoes.”

Millennial parents (born 1981 to 1996) out there, do you still cane and use corporal punishment on your children?
byu/SoulessHermit inaskSingapore

His own childhood memories were far darker than just a few red lines across the calf. “I myself used to sleep in jeans or long track pants because I had experience being caned while I slept before,” he recalled. He added chillingly that he had been “whipped by the belt, hit by a clothes hanger, slapped, and even scalded when boiling water was thrown at me.”

“Are we savages? Slapping is pure humiliation!”

The post sparked a flood of responses, with Singaporeans split between those who see physical punishment as outdated abuse and those who believe it still has a place.

One commenter didn’t beat around the bush: “Who in the damn mind would think that kicking, biting, pulling hair, scalding water are appropriate punishments? Are we savages?” He argued that spanking with a bare hand was the least damaging form, while belting and caning left scars. “Slapping is pure humiliation!” he said.

Others, however, defended the cane as a necessary tool. One local wrote: “Those that think talking works all the time never see the most jialat (horrible) kids before… Physical punishment must come with explanation, and it’s something that talking obviously did not work out, liao.”

But many drew a clear line between discipline and outright abuse. Another local stressed that, “Kena (being) caned in your sleep or scalding boiling water IS abuse!”

“Corporal/physical punishment only taught me to lie better next time to avoid it…”

Several Singaporeans shared their own painful histories. One millennial described family counselling that failed to curb his father’s violent temper.

“He (father) admitted to abusing my middle sister as he couldn’t control his emotions,” the millennial adult shared his story and added, “He later apologized to her but maintained it was for her own good. I then asked him, ‘If it’s for her own good, explain the trauma that’s been in me for almost twenty years. How can that be good?’ He refused to answer me.”

So despite apologies, the cycle continued. The trauma lingered.

Another recalled being forced as a child to sleep in a cardboard box outside the house. Yet another said corporal/physical punishment only taught him to “lie better next time to avoid it”.

“Mountains of evidence support that physical punishment isn’t effective…”

Plenty of parents in the thread insisted they were breaking the cycle. Instead of smacking or caning, they turn to removing privileges, time-outs, and positive reinforcement.

“My kid turned off the iPad immediately after the timer went off. I make sure to reward him with hugs and kisses,” one parent wrote proudly. Another said all it takes is a disappointed look to bring his children to heel.

And then there were the science-backed advocates who pointed out: “Mountains of evidence support that physical punishment isn’t effective.” They cited established research, including the Canadian Pediatric Society’s statement that discipline should teach self-control and responsibility, rather than creating fear and distress.

“It’s a crime to hit an adult… but it’s okay to hit a child?”

For some, though, the cane remains the ultimate parental trump card. “Some kids just need a good wake-up call,” one commenter argued. But others blasted such logic: “It’s a crime to hit an adult… but it’s okay to hit a child who can’t even reason properly?”

And the debate rages on, but if there’s one thing clear, it’s that the scars — both physical and emotional — of punishment linger far beyond childhood. As one millennial parent put it: “Is caning needed in this generation for kids to behave well? No. [If they misbehave], I blame us parents and our fear of trying to outdo our parents’ mistakes by going the extreme way in the opposite direction.”

Whether Singapore’s love affair with the cane will truly fade with millennials is yet to be seen. But for now, the scary rattan still hangs in some homes — a relic of another era, waiting to strike another innocent child who didn’t ask to be born.

Read related: ‘Why are fewer Singaporeans choosing to have children these days?’ — Woman asks ‘childfree married folks’ if ‘you regret not having them?’