Woman wonders if friendships in Singapore have become too transactional: ‘I only have 2–3 friends I fully trust’

SINGAPORE: A woman has begun questioning whether many relationships in Singapore have become increasingly “transactional” after noticing the pattern in her own social circle.

In a post on Reddit, she admitted that she is fortunate to have two or three close friends whom she completely trusts and believes genuinely care about her without expecting anything in return.

“[They’re] the steady types,” she wrote, explaining that these are the people she knows she can always rely on.

Beyond those few friendships, however, she feels many of her other relationships revolve around convenience or personal gain rather than genuine connection.

She shared that some friends only invite her out for lunch or dinner when they need a favour or want something from her. Others only reach out because they have become insurance agents hoping to pitch a policy, while some only send a message when they need information or have a question they want answered.

She also pointed to another pattern she has noticed whenever someone goes on holiday overseas.

“If I go overseas, friends/colleagues will at first be excited to ask where I am going, then ask me to buy this and that for them (although they will reimburse). Personally, I don’t ever trouble my friends and close friends to buy anything for me when they travel overseas as I prefer for them to enjoy their vacation freely. I don’t know whether our min-max culture plays a huge part in this.”

“Every relationship in your life is transactional”

Opinions in the comments were divided. While some said they could relate to the woman’s experience and agreed that many relationships today feel transactional, others argued that genuine friendships are still very much out there.

One wrote, “Yeah, I agree. Only a handful of people genuinely want to meet up just to connect, hear and share life updates, and be part of my life because they simply like and value me for who I am. I invest my time and effort in the people who make me feel more alive and not feel guilty about letting the rest naturally fade.”

Another shared, “True. Nowadays I don’t post anything. Even if I were to post. I will usually do it after I come back from overseas, so you can just say you’re not there anymore.”

A third said, “I disagree with this victim mentality. Not trying to insult you, but genuine people exist; you just have to put effort into finding and wooing them or making time/space when they woo/find you.”

Another believed it all comes down to perspective. To them, every relationship involves some form of exchange.

“Every relationship in your life is transactional. Even if you are in a relationship with someone with no money involved, the reason why you are still willing to maintain that relation is that you’re able to obtain something else out of that relationship.”

In other news, a tech employee has claimed that staff at his company are routinely expected to work more than 15 hours a day, as well as around 10 hours on both Saturdays and Sundays, prompting him to ask if such gruelling hours are normal in Singapore’s tech industry.

In a post on Reddit, the employee said these marathon workdays have become a regular part of life at the company rather than something reserved for particularly busy periods.

Read more: ‘People are exhausted’: Tech employee claims 15+ hour workdays and weekend shifts have become the norm at his company