‘Till fun do us part?’ Why some male Singaporeans treat marriage like a maximum-security sentence

SINGAPORE: A current Reddit post posed a provocative query that hit a nerve with many Singaporeans: “Do SG guys think marriage = ‘life over’?” The poster, a 30-year-old female, noticed a trend among her contemporaries — engagements and nuptials are taking place later in life. She pondered whether this postponement stemmed from a deep-seated dread among Singaporean males that getting married would tie them down for life, leading to fewer nights out, less “me time,” and a loss of individuality.

This triggered a torrent of responses, some funny, some genuine, but many unexpectedly optimistic. As it turns out, the idea that marriage means the end of fun may be more myth than reality—if you marry the right person and set the right expectations.

“It’s over if you marry the wrong person.”

One commenter went straight to the point: “It is over when you marry the wrong person. Life is complete when you marry the right one.” It’s a basic truth, but one that stresses a more profound sentiment that reverberated all throughout the thread—marriage doesn’t have to be a detriment to uniqueness, but rather the development of partnership.

The burden of one-sided compromise

Several netizens highlighted the fact that men who think and feel that marriage is the culmination of their personal lives often fall into patterns of over-accommodation. One experienced husband wrote this: “The SG guys I know who think marriage equals life over are those who surrender to the whims of their wives just to avoid conflict. They give up boundaries, listen to everything their wife says, then complain they have no personal life.”

His solution? Teamwork. After 13 years of being together, he and his wife have learnt to respect each other’s autonomy. “We carve out our own lives. I don’t stop her from going out; I actively encourage it. And she does the same for me, though I suspect that’s so she can binge on snacks and dramas without me judging her!” he kidded.

Independence, not isolation

Another commenter who is happy with his married life labelled his strategy as one that mixes freedom with partnership: “I signed up for a knife-sharpening workshop by myself and only later asked my wife if she wanted to join. We make our plans and try to include each other, not the other way around.” Their model? Two best friends steering life together, not co-dependent, but co-adventurous.

Marriage myths vs. reality

It’s easy to believe disgusting tales about marital discord or about husbands and wives becoming ball-and-chain caricatures, but for others, marriage is amazingly redemptive. “I’ll be damned if that’s what my husband thinks!” one netizen hooted. She confessed that she was bracing for the nastiest moments, such as fights, boredom, and regrets, but instead, married life brought more happiness to her than she anticipated. “We cooked on rotation, invited friends over for cookouts, and still head out for events like Durian Workshops.”

So why the delay?

If marriage isn’t a death sentence for one’s social life, why does this feeling persist? This may have stemmed from shared expectations, particularly the label that men must surrender freedom, spontaneity, hobbies, and friendships once the ring is placed on the finger. Others propose that the absence or the lack of communication and shared respect early in relationships has caused these worries to twist into self-fulfilling predictions.

End of freedom?

If one is still viewing marriage as the termination of autonomy, maybe the issue isn’t marriage per se, but the model of marriage one has been exposed to. As one commenter prudently puts it: “Marriage is not about consuming each other. It’s about complementing each other.”

If you can find someone who understands that, then life isn’t over. It just gets a lot more fascinating.