SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman in her early 50s has opened up about the emotional toll of caring for her husband, saying his five-month struggle with depression has started affecting her own mental health.
In a post on the r/asksg forum, the woman said her husband, who is also in his early 50s, has a stable job and no major financial concerns. While he has high blood pressure and gout, she said both conditions are under control and he does not suffer from any serious illness.
However, about five months ago, his behaviour began to change.
“He was not talking much, he’s grumpy all day and sighs like five times per day,” she wrote, adding that his mood eventually affected her to the point where she found herself avoiding him as well.
The woman said she had tried different approaches to support him, including being gentle and more firm when necessary. Over the past two weeks, she noticed some improvement, with her husband starting to talk and eat more.
However, his condition appeared to take another turn two days before she made the post.
Her husband told her that the “very negative thoughts” he had been experiencing had suddenly returned. He also began questioning “the purpose of living,” leaving her worried that he could be slipping back into a darker state.
After spending months dealing with his struggles, the woman said she realised that his depression was also beginning to affect her emotionally.
She admitted that she had not told her children or sisters about what she was going through because she was afraid they might blame or resent her husband.
“I do not wish them to hate my hubby for causing the struggle in me. So what I can do now is to suffer in silence or type here to at least let it out. Fortunately, I have lovely kids, and they are the only lights in the tunnel, which keeps me going.”
‘Please take him to see a psychiatrist’
In the discussion thread, several commenters encouraged the woman to stay patient and seek professional help for her husband, while also reminding her to look after herself.
One commenter urged her not to give up, writing, “Therapy and medication will fix him. Don’t throw in the white towel just like that. Avoiding him and cutting communications essentially is ending the marriage. It looks like you need lots of love as well. Just hang in there. It will get better once he starts seeing the therapist.”
Another user said, “Sounds like andropause. Please take him to see a psychiatrist la. I’m a mental health professional, and it’s not possible to ‘just think positive,’ especially when the mood issues have a biological component.”
Meanwhile, a third commenter said the woman’s story reminded them of their own father.
“This sounds a lot like my father. We brought him to several doctors and even a few psychiatrists, but unfortunately it didn’t help much because he didn’t seem to want to get better himself.”
The commenter said their family eventually found that taking him outdoors or to places surrounded by nature, while keeping him around people he enjoyed talking to, helped to some extent.
“It gives him a change of environment and helps keep the negative thoughts from constantly circling in his mind.”
In other news, a man who failed to secure employment and has thus ventured into entrepreneurship took to Reddit to ask fellow locals whether taking out debt in order to survive might be a good idea.
In his post on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Wednesday (Aug 5), the man explained that the job market had been “terrible” to him and he’s now down to his “last month worth of savings.”
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