Singaporeans defend elderly bakery worker who was exposed online for making “judgmental” remark

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean mother’s complaint about an elderly bakery worker has sparked heated debate online, with many netizens defending the worker and questioning why she was photographed and exposed on social media over a single remark.

The incident was shared on the Complaint Singapore Facebook page by a mother who said she had visited Yamazaki Bakery at VivoCity with her two young children and helper.

She explained that, “Like many children with ADHD, everything happened in a split second.” Before she could react, both of her children “excitedly picked up a doughnut each from the display and took a bite.”

The mother stressed that she “immediately apologised to the staff and assured them that I would pay for both doughnuts without hesitation.” While she continued browsing for a few more items, her helper took the children outside the bakery.

According to the mother, an elderly woman standing behind the packing counter then said loudly in Chinese: “We cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing.”

“Those words hit me harder than she could ever have imagined,” the mother wrote.

She said she approached the woman calmly and explained that both of her children have ADHD and that what had happened “was a result of their condition, not poor parenting.”

Describing the daily realities of raising children with ADHD, the mother wrote that every outing requires “patience, constant vigilance, and understanding” because her children can “act impulsively before they fully process the consequences of their actions.”

She added that parents like herself fight “silent battles that the public never sees—therapy appointments, emotional meltdowns, endless teaching, and the constant effort to help our children fit into a world that often misunderstands them.”

The mother concluded by appealing for greater empathy.

“I don’t expect everyone to understand ADHD, but I do hope people can choose kindness over judgement,” she wrote, adding: “Compassion costs nothing, but it can mean everything to a family trying their very best.”

The post ended up backfiring on the mother after she included a photo of the elderly worker. The image appeared to have been taken without the worker’s knowledge and initially showed her face clearly. After attracting criticism, the mother reposted the image with the woman’s face hastily censored.

Many commenters argued that the decision to post the worker’s photograph contradicted the mother’s own call for compassion.

One person responded by echoing the mother’s closing message almost word for word. “I agree that compassion costs nothing. Why do you need to shame her online?” the commenter wrote, “A careless act can leave a scar on her that lasts for longer than the incident. Before you criticise her, please remember that she might also be fighting her own battles.”

Others questioned how the elderly worker could have known the circumstances behind the children’s behaviour.

“Did your kids carry a sign wrote ‘I have ADHD’?” one commenter asked. While acknowledging that the mother was probably “stressed and tired,” the person said they understood why the worker made the remark, adding that she could have simply explained the situation instead of becoming “over emotional.”

Several comments distinguished between understanding ADHD and excusing behaviour. One lengthy response said, “ADHD explains behaviour. It does not excuse it,” arguing that if a child is impulsive, “you, as the parent, have an even greater responsibility to teach boundaries and manage situations where impulsive behaviour is likely.”

The commenter added that “taking food off a shelf and eating it before paying is not acceptable, regardless of the reason behind it,” before accusing the mother of focusing on publicly shaming the employee instead of correcting her children’s behaviour.

“If thoughtfulness and empathy are the standard, shouldn’t they apply to everyone, including the employee simply doing her job?” the commenter asked.

The same individual also argued that the bigger issue was the lesson children take away from such incidents. “When a child sees a parent immediately blame everyone else instead of correcting inappropriate behaviour, they learn that accountability is optional and that their actions are always someone else’s fault,” the commenter wrote.

Others, including people who said they had experience with ADHD, echoed similar views.

“To be honest, I do have friends with ADHD children,” one person wrote, “Although they get excited easily and sometimes do things out of the norm. But grabbing doughnuts directly from the display is something unacceptable.”

Another netizen agreed, saying: “I know of many kids who have ADHD but they don’t take a bite off doughnuts at the shops. Perhaps you would need to strengthen your instructions to your kids.”

Some commenters said the parent should have just said sorry and dropped the issue. “Your feelings are valid and their feelings are valid too,” one person wrote, “You want compassion towards ADHD kids. What about them? Those who are working and also tired of life. Just apologise and move on.”

The strongest backlash, however, centred on the decision to post the elderly worker’s photograph online.

“I disagree with you once you posted her picture,” one commenter said plainly.

Another wrote: “Her comments may be unkind and wrongly spoken but you aren’t any better to have taken her pic and posted it online like that.”

The person pointed out that the mother had already explained her children’s condition to the worker, asking: “Is it still necessary to post her pic even though it’s partially censored? She is also trying her best to earn a living, isn’t it?”

Others urged the mother to extend the same understanding to the elderly woman that she had asked others to show her family.

“Let’s show compassion to the elderly for not knowing the right things to say too,” one commenter wrote, suggesting the woman may have “gone through a lot of hardships in her life” before adding that the mother’s post came across as “me, me, me” and that she needs to have “some thoughts for others too.”

Another commenter sarcastically asked: “You are shaming the old lady too. Before openly shaming her on Facebook, have you checked what happened to her before today? Maybe she also has ADHD?”

Some commenters also worried that the post could have consequences beyond online criticism. “You shaming the staff is gonna cost her loss of job,” one person warned.

Another netizen was even more blunt, writing: “Seems like you are the one without compassion. Still take photos and blame the poor auntie online. At least she didn’t post online blaming you for being a useless parent.”

Although many commenters accepted that the worker’s remark was insensitive and could have been hurtful, the overwhelming sentiment in the discussion was that publicly photographing and exposing an elderly employee was a disproportionate response, with many arguing that the compassion the mother asked for should have been extended to the bakery worker as well.