Singapore father says wife repeatedly berated teen daughter, now both children want him to divorce her

SINGAPORE: A father shared that he is contemplating leaving his wife of 18 years after both of their children begged him to divorce her.

Posting on the r/SingaporeRaw forum, the father said the request came after his wife allegedly treated their children, aged 10 and 14, horribly, particularly the older one, whom she allegedly constantly berated to the point that she self-harmed.

He wrote that his wife had been “emotionally harsh” towards their elder daughter for several years, particularly while she was preparing for her PSLE examinations in 2024. 

According to him, she repeatedly pressured the teenager to excel academically, constantly reminding her to study hard so she could “earn a lot in the future.”

“Because of academic pressures and she really wanted to excel, my daughter went off rails and attempted to cut her wrist using pen knife,” the father recalled. “When her school discovered her cutting her own wrist sometime in July 2024, they called me and advised me to pick her back from school to go home and rest.”

While he tried to comfort his daughter, he claimed his wife showed little concern when she returned home, focusing on scolding the teenager for not having showered before storming out of the house. Later, she reportedly sent him a WhatsApp message saying,
“Ok, blame me! It’s all my fault! I am a bad mother!”

The following day, the family held a discussion with the children’s grandparents, but the father said the issues were never properly resolved.

“My in-laws came over and sat all of us down to talk about this. Wife started blaming her mum for the stress she had when she was younger. Her mum had to apologise for it. I was kind of taken aback by all these, but I just kept quiet, not wanting to stir more problems, and we all moved on.”

The father said there was another wrist-cutting incident a couple of weeks later when his wife once again nagged her daughter badly. He recalled that this fight had been so big that it almost ended in “a fist fight between his wife and kid.”

This year’s incidents

He recounted another incident this year when his wife allegedly ordered their daughter not to return home after the pair argued over the teenager’s phone use on a bus. The father said he spent three hours calming his sobbing daughter before persuading her to return home.

Concerned about the worsening relationship, he arranged family counselling. However, he claimed his wife dismissed counselling as “useless” and appeared uninterested in engaging with the process.

The final straw, he said, came during another argument when his wife allegedly told their daughter, who had previously self-harmed, to “jump off a building and ki**yourself.”

“They both had another big argument. In heat of the moment, wife shouted to kid, ‘Since you like to cut your own wrist, why don’t you just jump off building to ki** yourself?’ I told wife on the spot, ‘How could you say such things? You are the adult here!’”

He said both daughters have since asked him to divorce their mother.

“They want to stay with me and not her. I know by default in a divorce, court would grant joint custody care and control to the mother by default. My original intention with the family counselling was to help patch relationship with wife and kid. 

“But after that thing about asking kid to ki** herself (even though they were heated words), I knew I had to take action to protect both my daughters. So I’m hoping family counsellor would be able to help prove that wife is not suitable parent.”

He added that the atmosphere at home has become “tense” whenever his wife returns from work, and that his elder daughter is still hoping her mother will apologise for allegedly throwing her out of the house and making the remark encouraging her to end her life.

Looking ahead, the father said he is now seriously considering divorce because he no longer believes his wife is willing to change or put the family’s well-being first. 

He also mentioned that his wife and elder daughter are no longer on speaking terms, and that he only sees his daughters “truly happy” when they are with him without their mother around.

Marital problems

Beyond the parenting issues, the father said his marriage has also been struggling for years.

“There are communications issues, among other things. And technically, my marriage is dead.”

He then shared one particular incident that wounded his feelings.

He said that he had promised his wife a new ring for their 10th wedding anniversary but had to delay the purchase because of financial difficulties. Five years later, he bought her a custom blue sapphire ring that ended up costing S$4,800, more than double his original S$2,000 budget.

While he said his wife was delighted with the gift, he admitted feeling hurt that she did not get him anything for their anniversary. 

“Thing is, I never received anything from her for our anniversary. Although, to be fair, we never bought gifts for each other, but she knew about this ring because we had to go custom-make it for sizing, and it will take 2 weeks before custom ring was ready.” 

“So she had a lot of time to take initiative to get something for me (if ever). Alas, it did not happen. You could say I should have hinted to her if I really wanted something in return. That’s on me.”

“When I confronted her, asked her why I didn’t get anything. She brushed it off saying, ‘This is different.’ I further probed on her reasoning, she then told me, ‘If you are not happy, I can always transfer money back to you for the ring.’ That was when I back off and stopped talking about this.”

“File for child protection”

Singaporean Redditors heavily criticised the mother, with some calling her “insane,” “toxic,” “disrespectful,” and a “walking gaslighter.”

They also encouraged the post author to go through with the divorce for the sake of his children.

“I would divorce if I’m in your shoes. That’s for both you and your children’s sanity sake. Doesn’t sound like the family’s gonna be happy going forward with these kinda deep resentment from the kids towards their mum. Doesn’t sound like she appreciates you too,” one wrote.

“You need to get your daughter out of that environment. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter what happens between you and your wife at this point; you need to rebuild trust with your daughter and get her head in a better place,” another said.

“I am sorry to hear about your situation. Right now, I hope that you will consider living separately or maybe file for child protection,” a third added./TISG

Read also: ‘People say I don’t think about Singapore’: Singaporean says colleagues gave unsolicited advice about children, marriage and her relationship