SINGAPORE: Many parents believe that being strict or offering a dose of “tough love” is the right way to prepare their children for the real world, but what happens when that so-called love no longer feels like guidance and instead becomes a source of fear, resentment, and pain?
Recently, a young woman decided she finally had enough of her mother’s version of “love” and took to social media to share her frustrations.
In her post on the r/SGexams subreddit, the woman explained that her mum has “constantly picked on everything” about her since she was a child, from her appearance to the way she lives her life.
She added that what made it even more ridiculous was how, after all this relentless criticism, her mother would turn around and preach about being kind and empathetic.
“My mum would push the message that, oh, you must be kind with your words; oh, you need to show empathy. This sort of hypocrisy gets to you really quick, and it’s the reason why I’ve been extremely secretive with my belongings since I was 9.”
The woman also shared a recent example of how her mother blew up at her over a simple artwork.
“I was packing my things, and my personal artwork fell out. My mom, as usual, makes a point to pick on it, so casually, I responded that she can’t do that because she can’t do art, and in turn, she says she’s entitled to her opinion, and she can do so much more than me? SHE’S TWICE MY AGE.”
Unfortunately, the woman said that it didn’t end there, as it spiralled into another argument. “She starts saying that everyone pretends that I’m talented just to coddle me, and I tell her that she’s a grown woman and shouldn’t act like this and that she should calm down. It appears that I hit a nerve.”
“She starts going crazy and threatening to make my life a living hell, like, actually. So I tell her to calm down once more. She says that she has the power to make my life as miserable as possible, so as someone so powerless, I don’t deserve to express myself, and she says that she’s serious that she will actually “screw me over” or something.”
The woman said that her mum went on a rampage and shouted at her for 20 minutes straight.
“Take a deep breath and try not to let it get to your head.”
Many readers were outraged by her mother’s behaviour, with some calling her “crazy” and a textbook “narcissistic” parent who thrives on controlling and belittling her child.
One commented, “Sounds like you’re dealing with a narcissistic parent. Stay AWAY from her. You CANNOT be MORE talented than her; you CANNOT think or say anything she does is wrong.”
“You need to be her puppet and agree to everything she says. The reason why she picks on you is because she herself is deeply insecure about her skills and needs that external validation and ego boost to make herself feel less bad about herself.”
Some also urged the woman to protect her sanity, tune out the constant criticism, and stop giving her mother the power to provoke her.
“You have to stop being so emotionally influenced or train yourself that way; they also say things they don’t even mean. Don’t fight with her, because let’s be deadass, you’re never going to win an argument with someone who doesn’t have logic,” one user said.
“Take a deep breath and try not to let it get to your head,” another chimed in. “You got this; many of us are in the same boat. I remember being your age and feeling the same. It really sucks, and people often use your age to undermine your experiences, but they are real. Years down the road, when you look back, I hope you are kind to yourself. Chin up.”
In other news, a 22-year-old man recently shared on social media that he is starting to “resent his girlfriend a little” because she expects him to “pay for her and take care of her in a way where she doesn’t need to pay anything” in the future.
Posting on the r/sgdatingscene subreddit, the man, who is currently serving in the army and earns between S$1,200 and S$1,700 a month, explained that, although he and his girlfriend split the cost of their meals, he is usually the one covering most of their other expenses.
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