SG worker says office ‘queen bee’ keeps excluding her from group conversations, asks locals: ‘How should I approach this?’

SINGAPORE: One Singaporean woman says fitting into her workplace has been tougher than expected, claiming that the office “queen bee” has been subtly shutting her out of group conversations.

In a post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, she shared that while she understands work is not necessarily the place to make friends, the situation has started to take a toll on her morale.

“I feel lonely and don’t have any friends here,” she wrote. “I know most people will say, ‘Just work, you don’t need friends.’ I get that, but I would still like to be close to at least one person I can talk to. I spend almost nine hours with them every day.”

She added that things are perfectly fine when speaking to colleagues individually. According to her, they chat, laugh, and get along well, including the colleague she referred to as the office “queen bee.”

The dynamic changes, however, whenever the group gets together.

She claimed that whenever she tries to join a group conversation, the “queen B” would either “walk away or suddenly start looking at her phone and stop talking.”

“One-on-one, we do have nice conversations, but it’s just in group settings that she does this.”

The worker also noted that the colleague is close friends with most people in the office and feels the group has gradually begun leaving her out of conversations as a result, although she is still included occasionally.

Unsure whether she was overthinking the situation or facing a genuine problem, she turned to fellow Singaporeans for advice.

“How should I approach this?” she asked.

‘It takes time to build relationships’

In the comments, opinions were mixed.

One Singaporean stressed that workplace relationships should remain professional.

“We are not at the company to make friends. It is only if, after working together for many years, you discover that you share the same values and beliefs that colleagues can become friends. Usually, we do not become friends with our colleagues, as there might be conflicts of interest,” they wrote.

Another tried to reassure her that things could improve with time.

“You are only six months in the company. It takes time to build relationships. Just be patient. They will bond with you if you have the right attitude.”

Others, however, were less optimistic.

“That’s classic bullying, but unfortunately, in real life, there is no recourse until you leave or she leaves,” one commenter said. “Typically, employees in your situation build their careers in whatever way they can and then find greener pastures.”

Some also encouraged her not to take the behaviour personally.

“I will probably just act normal,” one commenter wrote. “If she walks away, it probably means she has things to do or doesn’t feel like engaging. That’s entirely up to her. We cannot dictate who does what.”

Another advised, “Focus on work and just be helpful. Don’t sweat the small things.”

Social ostracism

What the worker is describing may sound minor to some, but experts say being repeatedly left out or ignored can fall under a form of workplace bullying known as “social ostracism.”

Unlike more obvious forms of bullying, social ostracism involves deliberately excluding, ignoring, or isolating someone from a group. It can be subtle, making it difficult to prove, but that does not mean it is harmless.

According to career experts, this can damage morale, reduce productivity, and contribute to stress, anxiety, lower self-esteem, and even depression.

A survey by VitalSmarts found that 96% of respondents said they had experienced workplace bullying through exclusion at some point in their careers.

Experts generally advise employees who feel targeted to document recurring incidents, seek support from trusted colleagues, managers, or HR when appropriate, and prioritise their mental well-being. 

If the situation begins affecting their emotional health, speaking with a counsellor or healthcare professional may also help.

Experts generally advise employees who feel targeted to keep a record of the incidents and reach out to trusted colleagues, their manager, or HR when it’s appropriate. It is also advised

If the situation starts affecting their well‑being, it is also recommended that they speak with a counsellor or healthcare professional.

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