‘Our maid is abusing us…’ — Employer says, ‘Our helper is really rude and bossy; she even throws things around and ignores everything we say’

SINGAPORE: In an ironic twist worthy of an HBO family drama, a young Singaporean woman has gone on Reddit to air her household woes — but instead of the usual stories of employers mistreating their domestic helpers, this time it’s the helper who’s allegedly dishing out the abuse.

“I don’t know who’s more boss — me or my DH (domestic helper),” her mother (the DH employer) apparently quipped, summing up the entire household tension in one confused shrug.

The post, which has since sparked debate on r/Singapore, was written by a 20-year-old Singaporean woman who grew up with the family’s Filipino domestic helper, who was hired when the post writer was still in Primary 3. The helper has seen the kids grow up — and now, she claims, the helper has grown too bold for comfort.

‘Rude, bossy… even throws things around!’

According to the post, the domestic helper sure does enjoy a relatively comfortable life:

• Naps and K-dramas in the afternoons
• Every Sunday off
• Paid home leave every two years
• No urgent cleaning expected

Despite this, the employer’s daughter says the helper has become “rude and bossy,” even throwing tantrums when things don’t go her way.

“She wants to rearrange MY bedroom in a certain way, and when I refuse, she throws a tantrum. Her tantrum would be like banging the door behind her, handling things in a rough way, throwing things around, and ignoring everything we say.”

And it doesn’t stop there. She recalled a broccoli-related incident that escalated quite quickly.

“I reached home at 5:30 p.m., told DH that she can cook broccoli for dinner, and she got mad because apparently I make decisions in the ‘last minute.’ LIKE WHAT?”

Dinner is usually at 6:30 p.m., so the helper had an hour to steam some veggies — but it seems that was enough to trigger what some in the comments called “a personal crisis.”

‘She even shouts at my dad!’

The post also mentioned the father’s worsening hearing, which means family members often have to repeat themselves. The DH doesn’t take kindly to that either.

“Our DH would keep shouting at him rudely.”

Yet, the employer’s daughter admits that the helper isn’t all that bad. Most of the time, she’s “a regular, nice-ish person that could take some humour.”

Still, tensions are high. The helper reportedly threatens to leave every year — only to change her mind and renew the contract.

“Even my mum told her she can go home if she wants to, ‘cuz my mum is sick of her tantrums, too.”

The Internet responds: Is she rude or just human?

As expected, Redditors were divided.

One commenter empathised: “She’s human after all. Maybe she has family debt or stress she’s not talking about. Give her space and try to talk it out.”

Another took a firmer stance: “She’s gotten too comfortable. That is simply not how you treat your employers.”

A third Redditor warned: “She cooks your meals. Don’t mess with someone who cooks your meals.”

Meanwhile, some netizens recommended the nuclear option: “Time to sack! Or just don’t renew her contract next time… or give her a ‘shape up or ship out’ ultimatum, but she probably won’t change.”

So… maid or monarch?

It’s a tricky situation. Is this a case of a helper turned household tyrant? Or a long-time worker silently cracking under years of pressure and monotony?

One thing’s clear, though: The employer-helper dynamic is a delicate balance — and when that balance tips, even broccoli can cause a cold war.

For now, the employer’s daughter and her family are stuck tiptoeing around their helper, fearing the next tantrum over veggies, furniture, or late dinner requests.

“We have NEVER raised our voice on her,” she stressed. “If we have any dissatisfaction, we have to subtly voice it to her and hope she doesn’t get angry again.”

So the question remains: Are they being too nice… or just being human?

Read related: Maid’s employer says, ‘My helper expresses her frustration by washing dishes loudly, slamming doors, or dropping the laundry basket’