‘My supervisor pointed his middle finger at me’ — Fresh grad on his first job asks if he should just ‘apologise to keep the peace’

SINGAPORE: A fresh graduate who finally scored his first full-time gig after graduation shared his surreal situation in a now-deleted Reddit post that quickly struck a nerve with many online. The post was bluntly titled: “My supervisor pointed his middle finger at me.”

“I was shocked and embarrassed because I don’t know what I did wrong,” the fresh grad wrote, describing the awkward, humiliating encounter that played out publicly at his workplace.

Despite not understanding what triggered the offensive gesture, he confessed: “I still feel like apologising just to keep the peace, but I don’t know how to approach it, or if I even should. I really don’t want to lose my job, and I want to handle this situation professionally.”

Supervisor pointed the middle finger at me in front of others – what should I do?
by inmalaysia

That’s just the pain of some toxic corporate life—where your dreams of being respected can occasionally get… well, middle-fingered.

“Do not apologise for being disrespected by someone else…”

Redditors then did what Redditors do best—assemble like a virtual Avengers squad of workplace wisdom and trauma survivors.

“Do not apologise for being disrespected by someone else,” one of the top comments read. “You’re giving them the ‘it’s okay to continue to disrespect me’ energy.”

Another was more direct: “This is not about who is the supervisor and who is their subordinate. When someone treats you like this, it’s a man-to-man thing. If they don’t want you in the job, fine, but you can keep your respect.”

And then came the painful, toxic reality check of corporate life: “If the supervisor, manager, and HR are all gangster types, then just pack your bags and leave.”

Some netizens went beyond venting and offered tactical advice, such as maintaining paper trails, handling confrontations professionally, and knowing when to escalate.

“I’d privately ask your supervisor the meaning of his gesture. Explain that you did not appreciate it and how it made you feel… then report the incident to HR and save all documentation,” wrote one.

Others recalled their own horror stories. One Redditor shared:

“I used to work with one of the finest car manufacturing companies… my database system got stuck, and when I walked to the database administrator (DBA), he gave me his two middle fingers and shouted at me that he was busy. But when I arrived at his desk, he was just watching anime, Gundam… I got blamed for the delay… all the dealers scolded me. I got a bad reputation and got reported. But nothing happened to him.”

He then concluded his bad experience and unfortunate incident with, “That’s the power of seniority abuse!”

“Make a formal report, but only if HR’s on your side…”

The crowd was nearly unanimous: Don’t apologise for being disrespected. But what you do next depends on one key factor: How functional your HR is.

“Make a formal report, but only if HR’s on your side,” one seasoned employee warned. “More often than not, it’s all just wayang (pretending to take action just for show) only,” he added.

Another shared their success story: “I reported to my boss’ boss and then HR. Afterwards, the guy got demoted. This was two months in when I just started working, fresh grad out the door.”

But don’t assume all HR departments are created equal. Sometimes, it’s just a game of toxic politics in nicer fonts.

“Being mature isn’t about sucking it up…”

Fresh grads, listen up! You’re not just at your first job to collect a paycheck—you’re setting the tone for how people will treat you throughout your career.

“Set the standards by which other people treat you. Create your defence shield,” as one wise Redditor wrote.

And it’s true. Almost every job has its share of toxic politics, abusive pressure, and the occasional power-tripping, narcissistic superior. But disrespect towards you is not part of the onboarding process.

“Being mature isn’t about sucking it up. It’s about knowing how to respond [not react] and act professionally,” another added. “Sponging it up like a doormat is nothing but a great way to burn out and hate your job.”

You don’t have to validate fragile egos and their disrespect

Apologising to keep the peace when you’ve done nothing wrong doesn’t create peace—it just validates disrespect. If you’ve got bills to pay and the market’s tight, then by all means protect your job—but never at the cost of your dignity.

Because once you start apologising for other people’s bad behaviour, you’ll spend your whole career tiptoeing around fragile egos in poorly ventilated offices.

And to our poor, fresh grad, we advise: No, you shouldn’t have to say sorry for someone else’s finger problem. But if you’re still considering it…, then maybe just raise a different finger in return… and place it on your resignation letter.

Read related: ‘Is Singapore’s toxic work culture the same everywhere?’ — Singaporean asks, ‘Why can’t people just focus on doing their jobs instead of office politics?’