SINGAPORE: Does chivalry still exist? A Singaporean woman recently shared online that her boyfriend often gets “annoyed” whenever she asks him to help with small things.
In her post, she explained that her boyfriend gets “irritated” whenever she asks to return their plates or collect their food in hawker centres because he thinks people “should be independent in returning these themselves,” or that he feels there should at least be a “fair exchange” between both parties.
For instance, if he goes to collect the food, he expects her to return the trays afterwards. “He is really quite insistent on it,” she said, adding that she has always helped with returning the trays when he does the collecting.
“When I asked him to explain, he said that he wants to feel cared for too, aka when I return the tray for him, it is his turn to feel loved.”
She also recalled that when she asked him to help carry her luggage at the airport, since he was only carrying a duffel bag, he became upset. He told her that since she “chose to bring luggage” she should be responsible for managing it herself, as he already had his own bag to carry.
“I don’t think that he is obligated to hold it for me, but it does feel nice to have him do it for me. And when he rejected it so fervently, it made me feel upset, as I felt that it was a very transactional way of doing things.”
She also said his mindset feels like a bit of a “culture shock.” Growing up, she was used to male family members stepping in to help with small things, whether it was carrying bags or lending a hand without being asked. Because of that, she’s developed the same habit herself, often going out of her way to help people who are older, smaller, or carrying heavier loads.
Even now, she says she naturally offers to help her mum or friends with things like carrying items or returning trays, especially in casual settings like hawker centres.
“I tried explaining to him chivalry/gentlemen behaviour as I grew up with my cousins/male relatives all exhibiting these sorts of ‘caring’ behaviours towards their spouses or even towards me,” she wrote.
“I am also trying to understand him, but it is a little hard to understand when I’ve experienced this all my life. I’m not sure if I’m abnormal or my boyfriend’s sentiments are the norm in Singapore.”
Wondering if her expectations might be too high, she asked the online community, “Is this mindset normal for SG men? SG men, do you relate to this? Can you tell me what your views are and why?”
“Find someone who at least appreciates you.”
In the discussion thread, Reddit users criticised her boyfriend, with one saying, “Whoa, imagine needing to explain chivalry to a man. I think he needs a man so he can be the princess. Anyway, girl, it is not normal. A lot of Singaporean men are actually heavy on acts of service. Take the food, return the tray—normal stuff. I think it’s quite sweet.”
Another pointed out, “Sounds like a very calculative and emotionally immature man. You guys are supposed to be a team and support each other when the other is down. Life is never going to be 50-50. If y’all have kids in the future, is he going to say he doesn’t want to change the diaper and you should do it because he already fed the baby? Fair exchange, mah.”
A third added, “Please don’t generalise SG men like that. I think he is the outlier. Think twice if you can live with a person like that. Love should be give and take, or else, it will not last long.”
Curious about why she is still in the relationship, a fourth wrote, “No offence, but did you date this guy because of his looks? Because he is quite a bad person, from what I read, yet you’re still dating him. LOL, why?”
In response, the woman shared that aside from this particular flaw, her boyfriend is great in other aspects.
She said, “He is someone that is consistent with the way he treats me, and he shows care in other ways, like sending me home no matter how tired he is / buying stuff for my family / finding little ways to surprise me when I’m down / constantly trying to be better financially so that we can have a better future / getting rid of habits like smoking and gambling. I actually feel very safe and assured that he’s got it together and he will always be consistently putting in this effort (and he has for 3 years now).”
Still, despite her listing his redeeming qualities, some users continued to urge her to end the relationship. “Find someone who at least appreciates you instead of being so petty over small things,” one user wrote.
In other news, a man is seeking advice online after his mother, who “chased him out of their home” in 2024, is now demanding that he financially support both her and his father.
Detailing his dilemma on a local forum, he shared that his relationship with his mother had already been strained long before he was forced to leave.
Read more: ‘She chased me out’: Man says mum now demands financial support years later
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