‘Misery loves company’: Singaporean man claims parents resent childfree people

SINGAPORE: One Singaporean man has sparked discussion after venting that he is baffled by how defensive and downright bitter some parents become whenever he says he has no plans to have children.

Posting on the r/asksg forum on Thursday (Jul 2), he said the reaction cuts across generations.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, or even Boomers, people who are parents, especially those with 2 or more. Whenever a childfree person tells them you don’t want kids, they get so triggered, so concerned, and look down on you,” he wrote on the r/asksg forum on Thursday (July 2).

He went on to claim that many from the older generation, particularly Boomers, act as though having children automatically puts them on higher moral ground, both in everyday life and at work.

Moreover, he grumbled that being childfree seems to come with an unspoken expectation that he should always be the one to accommodate colleagues with families. According to him, parents in his workplace regularly push work onto employees without children, as though their personal time matters less simply because they do not have kids waiting at home.

Citing an example, he wrote, “Last year I applied for leave two months in advance because I was going to Korea with my girlfriend, and my boss had to cancel my leave at the last minute because my senior needed to take care of his son.”

Frustrated, the man said he is tired of being made to feel as though choosing not to have children is some sort of character flaw.

“Many people judge you like you’ve committed a crime, when in reality, most parents I’ve noticed are miserable themselves. Some of the most positive people I’ve known in real life, from friends, family, and colleagues, are childfree. In my personal opinion, many parents want you to be miserable, too. Misery loves company.”

“We’re not out to make you miserable, I promise”

In the comments, many users weighed in with their own theories on why some parents seem uncomfortable with people who choose to remain childfree.

One Redditor suggested, “Because many deep down regret their choice and it’s becoming a sunk cost reality. So they have to convince themselves this is the right way to live and impose this mindset on everyone around them.”

Another felt that the reaction may stem from insecurity rather than disapproval, writing, “I think some people take a different life choice as a criticism of their own.”

A third added, “They can’t express that they regret having kids, so seeing someone freely express what they wish they could say makes them seethe. It’s a them issue rather than yours, so don’t mind them.”

Others, however, felt the post painted parents and older generations with too broad a brush, saying their own experiences had been far more positive.

One childfree Redditor shared, “I don’t share the same experience. E.g. I’ve never had more work assigned or leave rejected because of colleagues having to take care of their kids. Most people just want to understand why I’m so vehemently childfree. And usually only the ones that either really super love their children, are religious, or have boomer mindsets would try to convince me to have children.”

A parent of three also chimed in, “Parent takes leave, boss dumps it on you. That’s a management problem, not a parenting one. We’re not out to make you miserable, I promise. Mostly just tired. Childfree or childful, I hope we can all lead fulfilling lives with less misery and more meaning.”

Another commenter pointed out that not every older person expects the next generation to become parents.

“My parents and my partner’s parents told us better not to have kids when we told them we don’t intend to have them. Also, I know friends’ and cousins’ parents who are okay with them not having kids, too.”

In other news, a Singaporean man has gone viral after sharing a strange and upsetting experience from his mother’s wake, where a visitor claimed he could communicate with the deceased.

His post on Reddit’s r/askSingapore forum quickly gained traction, pulling in more than 2,200 upvotes and hundreds of comments within a day.

Read more: Man says supposed psychic appeared at mum’s wake, later learns he works as an insurance agent: ‘He claimed he could talk to her’