SINGAPORE: A man juggling two jobs and living on just $700 a month opened up on social media about feeling left behind as he watches his peers achieve milestones he can only dream of.
He shared his story on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, on Thursday (Nov 21), saying that despite being in his mid-30s, he still feels like he hasn’t made much progress in life.
His friends, on the other hand, are going on vacations, saving six figures, investing, building businesses, putting down huge deposits for their flats, and enjoying the best food.
Some are also spending on luxury items like Labubu dolls, Rolex watches, Bearbrick figurines, nice cars, and even starting families or travelling the world.
“Everyone around me seems to be making it in life and I barely have any savings at the end of the month. Plus, I lost a ton of friends because I can’t afford to hang out with them repeatedly, and slowly, they stopped asking me out,” he lamented.
“I work hard, I do 2 jobs long hours, and yet I can barely provide for my parents (they can’t work) to cover their never ending bills to pay, from medical, bills, food, loans. Household income just nice to not qualify for any aid, at the same time I feel not enough to survive.”
The man said that he’s been living a pretty frugal life, as he only spends his money on necessities like transport, food, phone, internet, and electricity—all of which amount to just $550–$700 per month.
He also hasn’t replaced his laptop or phone in eight years and constantly worries about what will happen if either breaks, as it would “wipe out what little savings” he has set aside for emergencies.
While he has tried to improve his situation by completing some SkillsFuture courses, he claimed that nothing changed, as his boss didn’t acknowledge it, let alone give him a raise.
He also attended some free courses on how to make money, but later found out there was a fee of several thousand dollars for the next sessions. The course providers claimed they wanted to help everyone succeed, so he shared his situation, thinking they would offer some support. He even promised to repay them later once he earned from their course.
However, he was shocked when they responded with the quote, “If you are born poor, it’s not your fault. But if you die poor, it’s your fault.”
“This [quote] really hit me hard, like I am not even trying. I feel trapped in this cycle where I want to grow but can’t, and I don’t know how. While I see everyone else around me achieving everything I dream of,” he said.
The man said that he never imagined his life would turn out this way. “I had hope and dreams once… you know. But I am really trying, like really hard. Anyone else feels the same?” he asked.
“Try not to compare yourself to others who have it all in their lives.”
Many Singaporeans chimed in on the discussion and offered words of comfort to the struggling man in the comments section.
One individual said, “My friend, take a deep breath and forgive yourself. Kudos to you for providing for your ageing parents. This tells me you have good character and a sense of independence.
“Also working 2 jobs is no goddam slouch, that is some hard resilience you got there. Those in itself are not milestones but I personally think make you a decent person.”
Another commented, “Hey there – just to let you know that it’s really admirable that you are trying your best these past years, and supporting your parents through their journey.
“Caregiving is hard enough and if you add other social worries they can all add up. Just wanted you to know that your presence and support have been invaluable for your parents and loved ones.”
Some also encouraged the man to focus on his own growth and progress rather than comparing himself to others. They pointed out that everyone has different circumstances, and it’s unfair to measure his journey against someone else’s highlights.
One Redditor said, “Try not to compare yourself to others who have it all in their lives, since it’s just gonna make you feel more miserable.
“We will always want more and envy, that’s where we gotta step back and appreciate what we have now and focus on that than what we ‘could have.’ I believe opportunities will come when the time is right and it’s on us to seize it.”
Constantly comparing yourself to others can harm your well-being
For some, constantly comparing themselves to more successful peers or role models can help boost their confidence or motivate them to improve. However, for others, this kind of comparison can end up being toxic.
Experts say that this constant comparison can lead to persistent negative thoughts (known as rumination), anxiety, depression, and even overspending in an effort to keep up with others.
Breaking the cycle
To break this harmful cycle, Rachel Cruze, an American author, financial expert, and writer for Ramsey Solutions, suggests the following steps:
Practise gratitude: By focusing on the positive aspects of your life and being grateful for what you have, you can shift your attention away from what others have and feel more content with your own life.
Recognize that social media does not reflect reality: Social media often presents an idealized version of people’s lives, highlighting their successes while leaving out the struggles.
Compete with yourself: Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your personal growth and self-improvement.
Celebrate others’ wins: Be genuinely happy for your friends who just bought a new house or got a promotion. Celebrate their achievements and use their success as motivation for your own growth.
Social media detox: Unfollow accounts that make you feel bad about yourself, switch off your phone during family dinners, and set limits on how much time you spend on social media.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)