Maid says, ‘When I ask my employer how to do something, she says I’m trying to be smart, but when I do it my way, she says I never ask’

SINGAPORE: In a Facebook post that struck a nerve with fellow domestic helpers across Singapore, one first-time maid in the Lion City has opened up about her frustrating experience of being constantly criticised by her employer — damned if she asks for instructions, and damned if she doesn’t.

“When I ask my employer how to do something, she says I’m trying to be smart, but when I do it my way, she says I never ask,” the helper wrote in the Direct Hire Transfer Singapore Maid / Domestic Helper Facebook group.

This is another classic case of “do like this also wrong, do like that also wrong”.

🤯 “It’s very stressful for me to be in this situation….”

The helper, who’s been working in Singapore for almost a year now, shared that she often apologises when she makes mistakes, only to be met with more confusion and intimidation.

“If I did something wrong, I will say I’m sorry, but she (employer) will ask me, ‘Sorry for what?’ and she keeps asking me that question, which makes me feel intimidated,” the helper wrote. “It’s very stressful for me to be in this situation.”

She also added that when she tried to request a transfer, her employer suddenly backpedalled — saying it’s okay to forget or make mistakes sometimes. But the stress on the helper remains:

“When I forget or do something wrong again, I’ll feel stressed for the whole week.”

🗣️ “Same here, sis!”

The post quickly attracted a flood of “same here” responses from other helpers, who resonated deeply with her dilemma.

One commenter shared: “Same as mine. Complain about the taste of food, complain about the veggie cutting method, complain that the food is hard. Cook a little, complain. Cook a lot, complain. Do the work right, also, still look for mistakes.”

Another said: “Since the first time I came to SG, I cannot sleep thinking what will happen the next morning? What word will she [employer] tell me next??? I have anxiety… really stressful.”

It wasn’t just fellow helpers chiming in. Even some employers stepped in with empathy.

“Usually, as an employer, we will explain how to do and why it’s done a certain way… so maybe sit and tell your ma’am how you feel,” one employer commented.

🧠 “Everything I do is wrong, so what’s the point of you keeping me here?”

The original post highlights a deeper problem: Double standards and power imbalance. Helpers are often penalised for showing initiative and for not showing initiative — a situation that breeds chronic anxiety and learned helplessness.

As such, some group members offered advice with more spice than sugar on why she should leave her employer.

“Tell her straight: Because it seems that you are not happy with me around, and so do I. You are never satisfied. Everything I do is wrong, so what’s the point of you keeping me here?”

Others opted for a softer tone: “If you’re not happy, then no point staying. Don’t stress yourself, sis. Talk nicely, ask for release paper.”

🏠 “The house belongs to your employer. She has her way. You have yours…”

Another commenter summarised it best:

“The house belongs to your employer. She has her way. You have yours. But some employers want to see every step. It’s like the hand-washing routine in a hospital — very detailed. That makes it more stressful for you.”

💡 “Arguing is just a waste of time and energy…”

For new helpers in Singapore, the first year is often the hardest. It’s a period of adjustment to household routines, different cultures, expectations, and often, silent judgment.

This post also serves as a reminder to all employers: Kindness and clarity go a long way.

As one helper simply wrote: “As a maid, I always say sorry whether I’m right or wrong. Arguing is just a waste of time and energy.”

And it’s only right that such energy is better spent making a house feel like a true home for everyone living under the same one roof.

Read related: Maid says, ‘I don’t understand how to deal with Singapore employers; work slow also wrong, work fast also wrong’