Just a couple of dates in and the person you’re seeing is ready to declare his or her undying love for you, calling you their soulmate and the love of their life which is something many of us think is a good thing.
But if things appear to be progressing too quickly and getting too serious too soon warning bells should be going off.
As much as the high of falling in love and the beginning of a new relationship can leave us with butterflies and excitement, love bombing isn’t the real thing. In fact it’s a systematic approach designed to reel you in, thinking that it is the real thing.
It usually happens when one person is overly attentive at the beginning of the relationship and the motive for this is to learn everything about you, your likes, dislikes, pet peeves, your friends, and your way of doing things all in an effort to gain control and manipulate you.
Ironically it is at this wooing stage where the person being ‘bombed’ may feel special and significant and think that they may not feel as strongly and have doubts about their partner. However, as soon as you fall under the spell of the love bomber thinking that this person is kind, loving and super attentive and start to relax, it is at this stage that the relationship usually takes a turn for the worse.
While there may not be physical abuse the relationship often becomes emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative and codependent. Some of the signs to watch out for include
Excessive flattery or compliments
This will obviously appeal to our egos and make us think we’re special but going overboard with it is a red flag. This is basically how they tie your self-esteem to their opinion.
It is sometimes hard to recognize this because all of us want to be loved and adored.
Gifts galore
Love bombers may go overboard with extravagant gifts in the beginning. This simple gesture can backfire later on when you don’t show enough appreciation for presents resulting in criticism, passive-aggressive behaviour or even withdrawal. The gifts are a way to make you feel obliged to stay close to the giver.
Sweet talk
Love bombers are often great at saying the right thing at least in the beginning. They will flood you with texts, calls and messages making you feel like the most special person in the world.
According to abuse prevention educator Ashley Bendiksen it’s important to pay attention when they’re checking in on you. Is it when you’re out with friends? Do they need to know where you are absolutely all the time? Excessive jealousy or possessiveness can seem like care and concern if the obvious signs are ignored.
Other signs are when the person you’re dating says you’re their soulmate a lot of the time early on in the relationship. They start pushing for a commitment very quickly and they’ve very needy.
Boundaries upset them and you start to feel like you are being yourself or saying you’re not ready yet might make them unhappy or angry or that you’re somehow ungrateful.
Love bombing is an intense display of affection very early in the relationship. It’s an emotionally manipulative tactic used in relationships to hook a person so that they fall for him or her and the relationship often turns unhealthy soon after.
If you’re being love bombed, remember it’s perfectly ok to set boundaries and watch out for how your partner responds to requests for more time and space. If these are met with hostile behaviour then it’s time to cut your ties quickly before things escalate.
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