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Letter to the Editor: When do I say ‘no’ to after-work company dinners for working mums?
Dear Editor,
I want to share a personal experience I encountered in my current workplace and hope the story can be published to raise greater awareness of workplace inclusivity for working mothers in Singapore.
I am a full-time working mother of 2 kids, aged 7 and 12. My younger boy has autism and learning difficulties. My husband has anxiety disorders and has not been working for 5 years.
My current workplace is in a company in Singapore. I have been working there for three years. Occasionally, a colleague would organise get-together meals for Christmas, CNY, and team building. It is a small company with only two females, including myself, and the rest are men.
The colleague who organised the meal likes to schedule dinners. This happened a few times, including the last Christmas dinner, the CNY dinner, and during an overseas guest visit. Recently, the colleague organised another team-building dinner to celebrate post-Hari Raya. All 4 occasions were dinners.
I then asked the colleague in a Teams WhatsApp group if the team building for the post-Hari Raya meal could be changed to lunch instead of dinner since it is just a meal with no other activities. But all the male colleagues preferred the dinner arrangement. The colleague who organised the meal also had no problems attending since her adult child is in the National Service. Even the HOD ignored my request and said to proceed with the dinner plan.
I am very disappointed with their actions as both of them know that I am a working mother of 2 young kids and I am the sole caregiver who needs to prepare meals for my family after work. Of the past four dinners, I had to make special arrangements to attend two.
I feel bad as I do not want my colleagues to view me as not a team player and always miss get-together meals.
In the previous three dinner arrangements, I did not voice out my request for lunch. Yet, my request for a post-Hari Raya team lunch was turned down for no obvious reason.
In such a small company, with the majority of them being male or with grown-up adult children, there is little inclusivity for a mentally exhausted mum like me. They singled me out without empathy. They could enjoy team dinner without sparing a thought for the less privileged colleague.
I couldn’t tell my immediate superior as my superior is based overseas. And would not want to blow the matter up.
I hated going to the office as there was no inclusivity.
I hope the readers can give me some advice on how to navigate these after-work dinner plans, as I do not want to sour the workplace relationship, especially with the organiser and the HOD.
Thank you.
The views expressed above are those of the author/contributor and do not necessarily represent the views of The Independent Singapore
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