SINGAPORE: A Singapore woman took to social media to share how she put her foot down after her mother-in-law and father-in-law allegedly asked her and her husband to contribute money every month to support her husband’s older brother’s child.
Posting anonymously on Reddit’s r/askSingapore on Thursday (Aug 13), the woman said, “They asked us to contribute monthly to support his kid. I told them it was their choice to have children, not ours. Why should we foot their expenses? I was told it’s because we have ‘good’ jobs; they also have office jobs too!”
She added that this was not the first time her in-laws had asked them to be generous towards the family.
When the older brother-in-law got married, her mother-in-law reportedly told her and her husband, who is the youngest son in the family, that they should give at least “S$1XXX” in cash.
“This was just a church wedding with very normal buffet food—think bee hoon, fried rice, etc. (no hate, I love all of those).”
The woman said she found this rather unfair, especially since her mother-in-law did not ask her husband’s older brother to give them a similarly generous ang bao when she and her husband held their own wedding. According to her, the couple have also never received any financial assistance from him.
Then, when the older brother-in-law had a child, they were once again expected to give another “S$1XXX” as a “blessing.”
On top of this, whenever the whole family gathers at a nice restaurant, she and her husband would always pay for everyone’s meals.
“It is a big group, 6-7 pax (his parents, the BIL and wife, plus us and now the kid), but we would always pay for everyone’s meals, and we go to nice restaurants.”
“Not that we don’t mind. But not once has the brother-in-law ever offered to take us out for dinner or even buy coffee, be it yakun or coffeeshop coffee, in the decade that I have known him. We don’t expect it, but it just feels very lopsided.”
At this point, the woman said she would not have minded giving them money if it were not for the fact that her older brother-in-law had also been openly judgemental of her. He allegedly called her a “sinner” because of the way she dresses.
“Not that I dress a certain way, just shorts and maybe a tee or a strappy dress, but who can blame me with SG weather. His family is aware of this behaviour but say nothing, although my husband does stand up for me; he is the youngest, and I also don’t want to strain family ties for him.”
The woman said the request for a monthly contribution towards her brother-in-law’s child was where she decided to put her foot down.
“I know, if we have a child, his mother won’t ask the BIL for anything. It’s been really infuriating. I want to ask, is this typical Singaporean Chinese family behaviour?”
“Your husband should protect you”
In the Reddit thread, many commenters told the woman not to feel guilty about refusing to make a monthly contribution.
One user wrote, “I don’t believe in sponsoring other people’s child just because I got a better job lol. It’s not MY child. If someone tells me that I should do it, that person’s not getting visited at CNY.”
Another said, “I think if you want to support as a ‘nice uncle/aunty,’ you can, but it has to be YOUR choice. Not your MIL’s choice, not your BIL’s choice. As a child and even now, my aunt (also my Godma, essentially my mom’s older sister) also gives me nice things now and then, but it’s entirely because she wants to love on me; nobody asked her. She’s happy to do so.”
A third added, “Don’t listen to your MIL to keep your peace. I learnt that MILs can say the most absurd things you can ever imagine.”
As for her question, some users told her that her in-laws’ behaviour is definitely not normal.
One user shared, “Not Chinese, but I have Chinese relatives. This isn’t normal behaviour. Your husband should protect you by minimising contact or even go no-contact. Your BIL has absolutely no right to say anything about the way you dress.”
“If your husband still wants to side with the family, then seriously consider giving an ultimatum. Protect yourself and your assets because clearly your husband doesn’t have a spine.”
In other news, a National University of Singapore (NUS) graduate who admitted feeling like a failure after five months of unsuccessful job hunting was met with an unexpected response online, as many Singaporeans urged him to “toughen up” and accept that landing a job has become far more difficult.
Posting in the Threads community “Singapore jobs,” user papayat95 said months of rejections had taken a heavy toll on his confidence.
Read more: ‘Five months isn’t that long’: Singaporeans respond after NUS graduate says he can’t find work
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