‘Is there ever a real friendship in SG workplace?’ — Heartbroken worker asks after his former close ‘colleagues became just hi/bye’ after he quit his job

SINGAPORE: When does a colleague become a real friend, and when does the friendship end? That’s the bittersweet question one Singaporean worker posed on Reddit’s r/askSingapore social community, after his heartbreaking realisation that his once “tight-knit” circle of work buddies had faded into casual greetings — and then silence — after he left the company.

“I worked at a certain organisation for about three years. I used to have breakfast with some colleagues, and we would even go out for drinks two or three nights a week.” Their bond was so strong, they barely even talked about work. However, when restructuring hit the company, he eventually resigned, and the once-vibrant social life came to a quiet end.

“Over time, my relationship with them grew more distant — we texted less, met up less, and by the time I left, we had stopped contacting each other altogether,” he wrote. “Is this what people call ‘convenient bonding’? It makes me wonder if it was ever a real friendship.”

The post hit a nerve with many other Singaporeans. “Sigh. This is so real,” one commenter replied, adding that, “When friends start to have families, kids and all, all of a sudden, friendships spanning over 15 years just disappear. It’s upsetting, but I’ve learnt to accept it.”

Another just gave a direct: “No. There is no such thing as friends in the workplace. Only mutually beneficial working relationships,” while another added, “You’re there to work, not to socialise. What happened to professional distance?”

Yet not everyone was as cynical. Some argued that genuine connections do form, but like all relationships, they require nurturing. “Most of my close friends and even my wife, I met at work. Both sides need to put in effort,” one said.

Another shared his personal insights and life experience, “What you describe happens to school friends too. The hard truth is that most friendships are formed due to shared interests and just to have fun. Other than that, there is nothing else to bond you together. Even more so when everyone is the passive type.

But for me, I still hang out with my ex-colleagues often. Sometimes we go to JB together. It also depends on the person’s character. The beauty is that the age gap is meaningless. I even hang out with a 60+ joker, and we drink coffee and enjoy talking nonsense.”

One thoughtful Singaporean philosophised his view: “Impermanence is a part of life, but it doesn’t make the moments shared any less genuine. In life, many people walk with you a part of the way. Sometimes you meet again, sometimes you don’t. Cherish the friendships when you have them. It’s also okay to let go and let them remain a good memory.”

While workplace camaraderie can feel real in the moment, from inside jokes to long lunch breaks and post-work drinks, it often exists in a bubble built on shared routines. Once that daily proximity disappears, so does the glue.

The takeaway is that friendship can be real, just not necessarily permanent. And that’s really okay.

Read related: ‘I left the company weeks ago’ — SG worker asks if he should reply to his ‘ex-boss who’s still texting for help on weekends’