Works in Raffles Place, lives in Pasir Ris: Man asks if he is ‘unfilial’ for skipping weekday visits to parents in Sengkang

SINGAPORE: A man took to Reddit on Tuesday (Feb 10) to ask whether he was being “unfilial” for declining his parents’ requests to visit them on weekday evenings after work.

In his post, he explained that he moved out of his parents’ home two years ago. Since then, he has been making regular visits, typically returning once every two to three weeks. “I have been visiting them for Sunday lunch, spending about 2-3 hours during each visit.”

However, he said this arrangement does not appear to satisfy his parents. According to him, they have been urging him to drop by for dinner on weekdays as well, despite his work commitments.

The problem, he said, is logistics. He works in Raffles Place and lives in Pasir Ris, while his parents, who also stay with his younger sibling, live in Sengkang. A weekday visit would mean a long and tiring detour after work, something he feels is unreasonable.

“I have been complaining that it is not on my way home,” he wrote. “My parents had the idea that anywhere in SG = no on the way since it is accessible. They remained firm in their stand and didn’t see my point of view.”

Adding to his reluctance, the man admitted that visiting home is rarely a relaxing experience. “There is usually nothing for me to do except to engage in conversations that may not be amicable (usually with different POVs on certain topics like marriage) or being forced to drink herbal teas when I have always rejected drinking them.”

Feeling torn between guilt and exhaustion, the man turned to the online community for advice. “Is this normal for me to feel this way, and to those with assertive parents, how do you set clear boundaries and feel less guilty for rejecting them?” he asked.

“I might be trying to get some agreement or traction on this; I’m not sure if there’s anyone else facing this issue as well, but do correct me if I really sounded badass.”

“When they’re gone, you may regret not seeing them more often.”

In the comments, most Singaporean Redditors suggested that the man’s parents were probably just missing him, which is why they kept inviting him over. 

One wrote, “As an adult with aging parents..and recently became a parent myself…your parents misses you. Asians aren’t good with words but action shows.”

Another commented, “When they’re gone, you may regret not seeing them more often. I myself see my remaining parent once a week, even if it’s just an hour to drop by, bring them some fruits or some good food I found. They appreciate that you made the time.”

A third added, “I used to find them annoying when my parents were still around. Now I hate myself for not spending the time with them when I had the chance.”

Others suggested that if visiting in person was too difficult, he could consider calling them instead. One said, “A cheaper solution is to call them on some weekdays after work, like while preparing dinner or simply eating. Some of them just want to see that you are really taking care of yourself, nothing much, and they might not have much time left.”

In other news, a Singaporean employer has cancelled her domestic helper’s work pass and sent her home after discovering that the helper had secretly borrowed from a loan shark.

In a post shared on the r/askSingapore subreddit, the employer recounted that her helper had taken a S$500 loan without informing the family, only to find herself trapped when the amount allegedly ballooned to S$2,000.

Read more: Employer repatriates maid after loan shark terrorises her family over S$500 debt