‘I’m really confused and depressed’: Helper says boss may fire her over cooking

SINGAPORE: A domestic helper’s appeal for advice after allegedly being threatened with dismissal over her cooking has sparked widespread discussion online, with many social media users saying her employer’s expectations were unrealistic.

The helper shared her situation in a post on the Complaint Singapore Facebook page, explaining that she had been working for her employer for only three months.

She said she was hired primarily to care for her employers’ six-year-old son but explained that “now his son is on vacation in China. So now only Sir and Mdm are at home.”

According to the helper, her responsibilities have shifted while the child is away, with her employers now placing heavy emphasis on her cooking.

“They demand me to cook delicious food and make sure the taste is suitable for them,” she wrote.

Although she acknowledged that cooking was part of her job, she said the requests had been particularly challenging because she had no prior experience with Chinese cuisine.

“I know this is my job. The problem is that this is my first time cooking a Chinese menu,” she explained.

She added that her employers wanted “everything to be homemade like (bun, mantou, twisted roll),” before admitting, “I have never eaten it before.”

Sharing that she has been doing her best by following online recipes, the helper wrote, “I cook according to the guidelines in the video, when I taste the food, I think it’s ok.”

However, her employer felt otherwise. “According to my employer, it doesn’t taste right,” she wrote, adding that he had warned her that “this is a big problem and if I don’t improve the way of cooking, he will find a replacement for me.”

Appealing for advice from other Facebook users, the helper said she was struggling with the situation: “Please, anyone give me advice for this problem, I’m really confused and depressed.”

Many commenters sympathised with the helper, arguing that it was unreasonable to expect someone unfamiliar with Chinese cuisine to reproduce authentic flavours simply by following online tutorials.

One commenter noted that cooking involves far more than copying a recipe.

“It’s not easy to replicate a taste just from following a video. If that were so easy, then there won’t be chefs,” the person wrote, adding that someone who had never tasted the original dish would not know what flavour they were aiming for.

The commenter also shared advice from a restaurant owner, who had explained that many restaurant dishes cannot be duplicated at home because commercial kitchens use equipment capable of much higher temperatures than household stoves. They concluded that the employer’s expectations were “unreasonable.”

Several others urged the helper to seek assistance from her employment agency.

“Ask your employer to find a chef instead of a helper! Get help from your agency,” one person wrote, while another added, “Get help from your agency. Your employer is expecting too much.”

Some questioned whether the employer should have hired someone with experience preparing traditional Chinese food instead.

One commenter suggested that “they should try to get a maid from China,” adding that even many Singaporean Chinese families do not regularly make mantou at home.

Others pointed out that preparing handmade Chinese pastries requires specialised skills.

“Handmade Chinese pastry??” one commenter wrote. “Can they even do it?”

Several commenters also felt the helper’s job expectations had shifted significantly from what she had originally been employed to do.

“What they’re asking is unreasonable,” one person wrote. “You were hired to take care of a child, not to be a professional baker for homemade Chinese buns with no training. Threatening to replace you after 3 months while changing your job scope isn’t fair.”

The same commenter encouraged her to speak to her agency, adding that she deserved “an employer who teaches you, not pressures you.”

Another commenter suggested that if her employers wanted restaurant-quality cooking, they should provide formal training.

“Ask your employer to send you to culinary school and work in China for 10 years. Then you can come back and cook Michelin-star dishes for them,” the commenter wrote.

Others encouraged the helper not to blame herself. “At least you are trying and not giving up,” one person commented. “It shows that you are a conscientious and responsible person.”

The commenter added that if her employers could not accept that she was still learning, she should consider asking her agency for a transfer, saying they “cannot expect you to transform into a Chinese MasterChef overnight.”

Some commenters also shared similar personal experiences. “It is literally the same like my ex-employer,” one person wrote. “They wanted me to make the foods that I haven’t seen or tasted before. Whatever I tried so hard they made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.”

Another advised the helper to look for “a new employer who is reasonable enough.”

Others suggested a more practical solution, recommending that the employer personally demonstrate how the dishes should taste and be prepared.

One commenter advised the helper to ask her employer to cook the dishes according to their own preferences and train her for at least a month, saying it would allow her to learn a valuable new skill regardless of whether she remained in the job.