SINGAPORE: A Singaporean worker has shared that after months of being repeatedly criticised, shouted at, and dismissed by one colleague, he no longer knows how to cope with going to work every day.
In a post on the r/asksg subreddit, the worker claimed the colleague regularly speaks to him “sarcastically,” constantly finds fault with his work, and occasionally raises her voice at him.
He also alleged that whenever she loses her temper, she’ll sometimes “snatch things” out of his hands or shove him aside so she can do the task herself.
Although she has never physically harmed him, he admitted that working closely with her has left him feeling intimidated and constantly on edge.
“I work one-on-one with this colleague every day, so it’s not someone I can easily avoid,” he wrote. “I’m finding myself constantly on edge because it feels like almost anything can trigger her. Her default response seems to be anger or frustration.”
She treats everyone else better
He also shared that she doesn’t behave this way with anyone else.
According to him, she’s friendly with the rest of the team, jokes around with them, and chats with them normally, but whenever she’s dealing with him, she’s “impatient, harsh, and easily irritated.”
He also acknowledged that many people would probably tell him to quit, but said that simply isn’t realistic.
“I know a lot of people will probably say, ‘Just leave the job,’ but I think many Singaporeans know it’s not always that simple. There’s the practical side of finances, finding another job, and in my case, I also have a bond to serve, so resigning isn’t really an option right now. I’m looking more for advice on how to survive and protect my mental health while I’m still here, rather than being told to quit.”
Nothing worked
The worker said he hasn’t just kept quiet and hoped things would improve. He has already tried just about everything he could think of.
He spoke to his colleague directly on several occasions, telling her that some of her reactions were unnecessary and asking if she could communicate with him in a “less harsh way.”
“I’ve tried talking to her directly,” he said. “Unfortunately, those conversations usually ended with her becoming angry or dismissive, so there wasn’t really any opportunity to clear things up.”
He also approached his boss several times, hoping management would step in. But rather than receiving support, he said he was told he was being “unprofessional” for bringing up the issue.
“I’ve also raised the issue with my boss multiple times. I was really distressed at one point and even ended up crying during one of the conversations lol jokes on me. However, I was told I was being unprofessional for reaching out. My boss is also aware of her personality and has told me that ‘things will get better after a while,’ but so far, nothing has really changed.”
After getting nowhere with either his colleague or his boss, he decided the only thing left to change was how he reacted.
“I’ve also tried changing my own mindset. I’ve been trying not to take her behaviour so personally, to stay respectful, keep my responses short, avoid arguing back, and just focus on my work.”
“But it’s difficult for my mental health when this happens almost every day. It’s hard not to be affected when you’re repeatedly treated this way.”
Feeling completely worn down, he turned to the online community for advice.
“Has anyone dealt with a colleague like this before, especially when you had to work closely with them every day? How did you cope? Is there anything I can do to make the situation more manageable when avoiding the person isn’t an option? I’m open to hearing different perspectives, including if there’s something I could be doing differently. Thank you.”
‘You need to establish your boundaries’
In the discussion thread, several Singaporean Redditors felt the worker’s boss was largely to blame for allowing the situation to continue.
One commenter wrote, “If your boss doesn’t resolve it, then your boss is the source of the problem. He is paid to resolve such conflict. Be sure to report officially to HR about nonaction from your boss if you have decided to resign.”
Another said, “It looks like no one is going to stand up for you against the toxic colleague, so you will have to do so for yourself. In my workplace, it is like that too. The boss is aware of the toxic colleague, but he doesn’t want trouble and does not want to be involved.”
Others shared tips on how he could deal with the colleague himself.
“You need to establish your boundaries and call her out on rude behaviour,” they wrote. “Tell her that you are offended by it and constantly ask her for her intention behind such gestures.”
“For example, if she shoves you or takes things off your hand, just ask her firmly, ‘Sorry, I find this really rude and do not appreciate that you treat me like this. Can I know your intention for behaving such way to me?’”
Another encouraged him to keep a record of every incident in case the situation ended up becoming an HR issue.
They said, “Maintain a record of everything—date and time, what she said, what the convo was, etc.—and keep it off the system, like on your phone or notebook at home, because if this becomes an HR issue, you’ll have an entire trail to show.”
In other news, a local jobseeker who previously worked overseas took to Reddit to share that some interviewers actually “mocked” him for coming back to Singapore and made him feel as though he had failed.
In an anonymous post on the r/singapore forum, the jobseeker wrote that these interviewers looked down on him and even suggested that he had only left Singapore because he was unable to succeed locally.
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